Who I'll Be With You
by rosieloves23
Summary: After Thatch slaps Mer she turns to Alex for comfort in a drunken one night stand. But what if they continue their affair? What if real feelings develop? Will Derek find out? Who will be there for Mer as her life unravels? Mer/Alex. Mer/Der.
1. Chapter 1

**A/N: So this will be my first attempt at a GA fanfic, i'm not sure how well i'll do cos the characters are written pretty brilliantly already and I don't know how well i'll do capturing them BUT I would like to try! An idea i've had for a while- from like S3, near the end, mer/alex begin an affair. I love Meredith and Alex as friends but what if they became more? And what if Derek didn't know? Would he find out? What about George and Izzie- are they destine to be together? And how will Christina react to the cheating? A kind of what if fic, from the moment Thatcher slaps Meredith things are different. So, please do give it a shot, if you like it please review and i'll write more, but if you don't my One Tree Hill stuff is around and I love writing that so that might be better! Hehe, a nice little plug for my OTH there. Oh and I do love mer/der, this is just a fun thing. **

**Disclaimer: I don't own anything, but if I did, Eric Dane would definitely be topless all through S5. Oh and if there is another fic like this I apologise, I did scour the pages first but I couldn't spot anything, anyway, this is my idea.**

Meredith reached the end of the corridor and threw open the window gasping for air. She couldn't breathe, couldn't see, everything was a blur, a terrifying, dizzying blur. She squeezed her eyes tightly shut and then tried opening them again, the world came back into focus. The rain coming in at the window was soaking her arm and she quickly withdrew back inside. She slid down the wall and clutched her knees to her chest, trying to recover her breath. She hadn't done anything on purpose, had never asked for any of this. She hadn't even wanted the relationship in the first place and now she was devastated by its demise. She touched her cheek gingerly where her father had struck out and winced, it was stinging like hell. She reached her hands out across the floor and rested her palms down flat on the cold plastic, this was meant to be the place where she was meant to be most in control. With everything that happened in her personal life, her trials and tribulations, her mother, her Derek, the hospital was her haven. It was where she came and pretended to be somebody who knew what they were doing- well one hard slap had taken all that away, and in front of the entire place.

She knocked her head against the wall gently and then harder, finally she had to stop as she was beginning to feel dizzy again. She stood up slowly, she hoped by now everyone in the locker room would have dispersed and she wouldn't be subject to the dozens of pairs of eyes she knew would latch onto her the minute she entered the room. She was used to everybody gossiping about her, hell the Addison Derek drama had been enough to put her majorly on the hospital radar, but tonight she didn't think she could handle it. She needed a strong drink more than anything. Twisting her hair up and away from her face- she couldn't remember when it had come loose- she walked slowly back down the corridor and towards the locker room. It wasn't her night, there were about six people round the door and they all fell silent when they saw her approaching. George came out of the room now and stopped in front of her. His eyes were full of sympathy, great now she was getting sympathy from George?!

"Hey."

"Hi George," she said wearily, continuing to walk by- she didn't want to have a long in depth conversation right now. He caught her arm.

"Mer-" she twisted and looked at him, his eyes full on the bright red mark across her cheek, the forming of a bruise, "you ok?" He asked softly, his voice full of concern.

"I'm fine," she said briefly, "i'm ok George," she pulled her arm away gently, "i'll see you tomorrow."

George watched her walk past the other interns, her head down, he felt terrible for her. Callie suddenly appeared at his arm.

"Hey you- ready to go?" He tore his eyes away from the closing door and looked at his wife, she was so beautiful, he knew he didn't deserve her right now.

"Yeah," he squeezed her hand and she linked her hand through his arm as they walked, "let's go home Mrs O' Malley."

Meredith twisted her key and leant heavily against the door as it swung open. Izzie looked up from the sofa, her dark eyes were heavy and she tried to smile.

"I made brownies," she said waving a plate up in the air and then banging it down on the table harder than she'd planned. She looked up at Meredith apologetically but she seemed to have hardly noticed. She hadn't moved from her frozen pose by the front door, her hand still at the lock, her bag falling off her shoulder, her eyes a hundred miles away. Izzie got up off the sofa and went over to her.

"Meredith?" She touched her arm gently and Meredith's face snapped towards her.

"Hey Iz, what's goin' on?"

Izzie stared at her dubiously, "Meredith, where have you been? You look terrible."

"Yeah I know," her bag dropped with a thud and she turned towards the stairs, "i'm gonna take a shower, did you say there was food?"

"Yeah I made some brownies," Izzie said falteringly, "Meredith-"

"Izzie i'm fine! When I get back we should eat them or drink or whatever."

Izzie sighed, "sounds good to me."

Upstairs Meredith sank onto her bed and slowly pulled her shirt off, she felt like she was a hundred years old. Grabbing her towel she kicked off her jeans and boots and then headed into the bathroom. Once in the shower she tipped her head backwards, letting the water pour down her face, soaking her hair, hoping that somehow it might wash her away. There was a banging on the door.

"What Iz?" She yelled through the pouring water.

"It's Alex- we're out of limes."

"There's four in my bag," she shouted back.

"You just carry alcohol accessories around?!"

"No dumbass I just bought them," she heard him shout with laughter and then move away.

She took five more minutes and then stepped out of the shower shaking herself. She threw on an old tee shirt and shorts and then ran down the stairs. Collapsing on the sofa next to Izzie she closed her eyes for a second and wished she could sleep for a thousand years. Alex reappeared carrying limes.

"Limes!"

"Limes!" They both chorused.

He poured out three shots and they reached in for a toast, Alex wrinkled up his nose, "do we have anything good to toast?"

"Mmmm," Meredith shrugged, "my Dad smacked the hell out of me at the hospital in front of my boyfriend and half the staff so let's toast to family."

Both Izzie and Alex turned to stare at her, then Alex grinned and pushed his glass against Meredith's, "cheers."

Izzie shot him a warning look, "Alex!"

"Izzie just drink the damn shot," Meredith said rolling her eyes and downing her own, "another one please bar man."

Alex filled up her glass and Izzie sighed and then sank her own, "alright fine, let's do some Meredith style drinking."

"Excellent!"

Several hours later and Izzie and Meredith crashed against the back of the sofa laughing hysterically. Alex was sniggering and half falling off his chair, "i'm telling you I said that!"

"Nooo! You're supposed to be polite to the- the patients or whatever," Meredith slurred.

"Alright," Alex filled up the glasses again, "what we toasting to now?"

"To love," Izzie said hiccuping.

"No!" Meredith waved her hand in the air, "no no no, love doesn't last."

"Maybe, maybe it does!" Izzie argued.

"Noo- no you know i've never seen it last everrr."

"I have!"

"Whatever."

"I believe it does."

"What. Everrr."

There was silence as Meredith watched her own arms waving in the air, Izzie tried to eat brownie crumbs and Alex refilled.

"You're kind of pretty Izzie!" Meredith was looking up at her from her horizontal state on the sofa, she was practically falling off it.

"Why so are you Meredith!" Izzie threw a handful of lime peel at Meredith and she screamed.

"Both of you are nuts," Alex said downing his own shot and re-filling, "and complete light weights."

"Shurrup Alex- " Meredith pointed at him warningly, "but seriously have you.. have you ever been in love?"

"Once," he said slamming his glass down sharply and tequila flew over the side, "but let's not toast to that."

"Once? Seriously?"

"Seriously!"

"Noooo!" Meredith gaped at him open mouthed and he scowled.

"You know what's funny?" Izzie said giggling uncontrollably breaking the silence, "I kissed my best friend in an elevator today, and he's married, _married_. Don't you think that's funny?!"

Alex and Meredith stared at her for a second, Meredith found herself temporarily speechless.

"To elevators!" Alex said after a few moments of silence and Izzie looked up at him, her eyes full of tears.

"Alex!"

"What?!"

Meredith reached over the table to punch him on the arm and lost her balance completely, she crashed onto the floor, breaking Izzie's stupor and they both burst into laughter again. Alex dropped onto the floor to help her up, touching the small of her bag and for a fleeting moment she felt something tingle in her bones. They both staggered back onto the sofa and Izzie leant against Meredith's shoulder.

"Alright- I- I probably shouldn't have mentioned that right?"

"Maybe you'll regret it in the morning- kind of like our Mer here," Alex said patting Meredith's leg, again, the tingle. It was because she was drunk, she knew it, she was DRUNK.

"Shurrup Alex!" Meredith said again.

He smirked at her, "you know i'm charming really."

She pushed her hand against his face, "eugh, I don't think so." But he grinned and pushed her hand away, she stopped fighting it and for a second he let his fingers wrap round her wrist, in a moment he had let go, but he had felt it too, she knew he had.

"Alrriiight," Izzie tried to stand and caught the sofa for balance, "I sleep to go to need, I mean," she tried to stand again and clutched her head, "wooah... I need to go to sleep."

"Night night Izzie!" Meredith waved limply and Alex raised a hand;

"See you in the morning Stevens." She threw her hand behind her in response.

"Can you believe that? O' Malley and Stevens!" He said incredulously, leaning back against the sofa. Meredith shrugged, maybe sometimes people did desperate things to get the attention of the ones they loved, she certainly understood that impulse.

"I don't know- maybe. I guess when you can't hold on any longer or you're really lonely."

"Or just really drunk," he glanced sideways at her, "Meredith-"

"What?" She could suddenly feel her heart beating very fast and very hard.

"Are you ok?"

"Does it matter?" She said crossly reaching for the bottle, not bothering with her glass any more.

"Yeah it does," he said softly.

She looked at him suspiciously, "since when do you care if i'm alright? I thought you only talked to Ava these days."

Alex shrugged and messed with a rip in one of the sofa cushions, not meeting her eye, "I was just asking."

Meredith sighed and leant forward, dropping her face into her hands. She had the same dizziness as before and there was a dull pain at the back of her skull that she couldn't work out if it was premature hang over or from banging her head repeatedly earlier. It had been the longest day ever. Longer than the time she'd had her hand on a bomb, longer that time she'd sat in a hospital room with Denny and Dylan, god was that only a few weeks ago?

"Meredith?" Alex's voice was suddenly panicky, "Meredith you're crying, are you ok?"

She couldn't breathe, she stood up quickly knocking the bottle onto Alex's jumper, he swore, "shit."

"Oh god, i'm sorry Alex, i'm just- i'm gonna go," she said, dashing away the tears irritatedly before running up the stairs, she tripped at the top and lay for a second, she felt so stupid.

"Meredith!" Alex's voice came from the living room where he was pulling off his dripping wet sweater and she heard him calling, his voice more muffled than before as he pulled it over his head.

She clambered up and stumbled into her bedroom before slamming the door and leaning on it heavily. Not three seconds had gone by when there was a knock.

"Alex go away!" She said angrily, her words slurring slightly.

"Meredith I would but-"

"But what?!"

"You're in my room."

She felt along the wall to the light and flicked it on, glancing around, "oh yeaaah, sorry about that." She sank to the floor. On the other side of the door Alex did the same thing, his head was pounding.

"Can't you sleep on the couch?!"

"Meredith!"

"Fine, i'll be out in a minute." There was a long silence and Alex pulled at a thread in his trousers, trying not to say anything that might set her off again.

"Alex?" She whispered through the wood.

"Yep?"

"Who were you in love with?"

"It was a long time again Meredith, it doesn't matter."

"But don't you miss it?"

"Don't you mean miss _her_?"

"No I mean, miss the love, the trust- everything."

"Oh," he shrugged and then realised she couldn't see him, "I dunno- I guess I never really thought about that bit."

Slowly the door creaked open and Meredith appeared, in the light of the hallway she looked ethereal with her pale skin and her striking eyes, her hair pulled back off her face and her white tee shirt and shorts. Alex swallowed. His head was suddenly thinking an awful lot of things it shouldn't have been. Meredith met his eye.

"I'm sorry you don't feel those things any more Alex," she said quietly. She couldn't quite place how she was feeling. He stood in front of her, his vest damp and clinging to him and his hands shoved deep into the pockets of his baggy trousers, he couldn't have looked more nonchalant, more at ease- more _easy_. Not in _that_ sense, she corrected herself, just simple, uncomplicated. He was waiting for her to say something. Instead she just stared at him, her eyes wide. Slowly she let go of the door edge and moved into the light, she squinted as she passed him and nodded slowly, "good night Alex."

"Good night Meredith," he said softly.

She padded into her own room and threw herself on the bed, she could feel a bruise forming on her leg where she'd fallen over and she rolled over and looked up at the ceiling, kicking the mattress hard beneath her. She could have sworn suddenly she heard a knocking on the door and she stopped flailing around and listened, her breathing filling the room. There was nothing there- she'd just been imagining it. Then she heard it again, she leapt up and swung open the door. Alex was leaning against the door opposite, his arms folded, looking at her funny. For a second she stared back and then without warning she dived forward and kissed him. Catching her in his arms Alex reciprocated passionately, pushing her backwards into her bedroom. In the darkness she pulled off his vest and he, her tee shirt, before they fell back onto the bed. He was kissing her neck, her collarbone, he kissed her mouth fiercely and it was electrifying, she'd never felt such passion. She rolled over and with a thud they collapsed onto the floor. That didn't stop them, the last thing she thought before letting the darkness, and Alex, consume her, was that she didn't want to be lonely or to seek the attention of her loved ones, she wanted to feel. And Alex made her feel.

**So i'm kinda nervous about this- if it doesn't work for ya no worries but if it does, please be kind and leave us a nice review!**


	2. Chapter 2

**Disclaimer: I do not own anything.**

**A/N: Thank you for my two reviews, you guys are fab!**

There was a banging on the door and Meredith was jerked awake, where the heck was she? A voice came through the thin wood and confused her even more, not to mention pounded through her head.

"Karev are you in there?" It was Christina, why was she asking for Alex? There was a noise from next to Meredith, a muffled groan and horrified Meredith turned to see Alex emerge from underneath the duvet.

"What are you doing?!" She hissed.

"What are you on about?"

"You're in my-" she paused and the looked around, slowly the room came into focus. Alex's room. Last night came flooding back to her in a wave of nausea and panic, "oh my god," she muttered and jumped out of the bed. Her and Alex? Alex and her- ooooh god no. What had she been thinking?! Of all the stupid things she had done this year-

"Meredith-" Alex got up to speak to her but she clamped a hand to his mouth.

"Don't say anything, don't do anything. We're not ever gonna speak about this again ok?" She was peaking in a hushed voice. She began pulling on her tee shirt and searching for her shorts. "Help me find my shorts."

"No Meredith- wait," he tried to step in front of her, "this is not ok," his own tone was angry.

"Alex step back, I gotta get out of here."

Christina's voice came through the door again, this time it was more impatient, "Karev, Meredith isn't in her room, her shift isn't for an hour, do you know where she is or should I start checking local drinking points?" Meredith swung the door back and her best friend's face went from slightly pissed off to completely shocked, her mouth fell open.

"What the-"

"Shh!" She clamped a hand over her friend's mouth and ushered her into her own room, shutting the door quickly. Christina rounded on her.

"What are you doing in Karev's room?! No, wait- pleeease tell me you were practising sutures on his unconscious body.. Or," she snapped her fingers, "or borrowing soap?"

"No!" Meredith sighed and threw herself on the bed, Christina followed her and pulled the duvet over both their legs. Meredith was glad she wasn't yelling. "I- I was upset and I couldn't talk to- and so I had a drink and then Izzie and Alex were drinking so I had to drink more and then..." She paused, "but there is no excuse.. Alex and I- well- " Christina's eyes widened in understanding.

"Seriously?" She stood up quickly, "seriously?! "

Meredith opened her mouth to explain and then covered her head with a pillow, "I don't know how it happened," she groaned, "i'm a freaking idiot."

"I thought you were screwing with me!"

"I thought i'd dreamt it!"

There was a silence, Christina didn't know what to say. She knew her best friend was going through a rough patch but she never imagined... She would never judge her, it was her own life after all but the two of them needed a freakin break. Slowly she sat back down on the bed and patted her friends legs, "you're not an idiot Mer, maybe just a bit screwed up."

Meredith threw the pillow on the floor, "oh that's much better! What am I gonna do?" Christina didn't have an answer for her, instead she stared back helplessly. Meredith rolled over and stared out of the window. It was raining heavily. She watched it hit the glass, wishing she could go and stand outside in it...

Christina searched for the right words, "ok first thing you need to do is have a shower cos... you smell like bad things and then- then we can go from there."

Meredith nodded, "you're right, ok. I can do that. I can shower right?"

"Right! We can do this. One step at a time."

Meredith opened the door to check the corridor, it was empty, quick as a flash she dived towards the bathroom and bumped straight into Izzie.

"Izzie!"

"Meredith..." Izzie looked at her confused. Flickers of last night were slowly coming back to them both and almost simultaneously they both put their hands to their mouths.

"You so didn't go to bed alone last night!" Izzie said, her eyes alight.

"Oh my god-" Meredith pointed at her, "you told me something-"

"Shut up Meredith or I swear to god!" Izzie's face fell and she pulled her back into the bathroom. Meredith felt like she was on a terrible roller-coaster, her head was spinning and she felt sick. She had slept with Alex. Cheated. CHEATED on Derek. She was as bad as her mother. That thought alone made her retch and she leant forward and clutched her knees. She took some deep breaths and realised Izzie was still muttering.

"I can't remember exactly what I said but I know I shouldn't have told you so I wish I could take it back and not have burdened you with what I said-"

"What did you say?" Meredith asked confusedly.

"I said that I slept with Ge- wait? You don't remember?"

Meredith straightened up, "You and George!?"

"You and Karev?!" Izzie retorted, Meredith shut her mouth. They both stared at each other for a moment, eyes narrowed and the Izzie nodded.

"Ok. So this is bad. Very bad."

"Very bad," Meredith agreed.

"But- we can fix this. I mean, you don't have feelings for Alex right? It was just a one night thing right?"

Meredith went to respond and then found she couldn't. She couldn't say what she knew Izzie expected to hear. She had cheated. She had been the lowest of the low last night. And in this moment, she didn't know how she was going to survive it. Derek would be heartbroken, he would feel so betrayed, utterly and completely betrayed. And Alex.. what was she going to say to him? What could she say? She began composing apologies in her head as Izzie waited for an answer but before either of them could speak Christina banged on the door.

"Yo, we're leaving in twenty minutes so get your butts into gear drama queens."

* * *

Half an hour later and they were walking into the hospital entrance, Christina had her arm linked firmly through Meredith's and was manoeuvring her towards the stairs.

"Can't we take the elevator?"

"I think that's dangerous today."

Reality had still not truly set in and Meredith was avoiding the millions of thoughts attempting to crush her brain. She had a raging headache and the idea of running into Alex or Derek was terrifying. What the _hell_ was she going to say to either of them? She was a mess. A complete failure. In one night she had sabotaged the only real romantic relationship she had ever committed to fully and now she had to explain herself to him.

They entered the locker room and Meredith tied her hair back quickly, she needed to concentrate on something other than her disastrous love life and chopping and cutting and healing might just distract her... She needed a distraction, she couldn't think any more about Derek's face when she opened her mouth and said the words, 'i've cheated.'

"Alright, gather around people," Bailey broke her thoughts and began giving out assignments. "There's a trauma coming in, bus accident- there's fourteen casualties so the main things to remember are-" she looked at them all suddenly, "where's Karev?"

Meredith glanced around, what the heck? Why wasn't he in yet? She swallowed, she hadn't meant to do this...

Suddenly the door bust back and Alex appeared looking dishevelled and unwashed.

"You're late Karev," Bailey said shortly.

"Yeah I know- sorry, I overslept," he glanced in Meredith's direction, his eyes were cold and she had to look away quickly.

"You're here now," Bailey continued, "you're with Doctor Montgomery as usual. Yang, Stevens, O' Malley you're with the trauma, Grey you're on charts."

Meredith stood up, "i'm what?"

"You had a long, bad day yesterday and i'm not having you working on patients distracted."

"I-" she was painfully aware of her friend's eyes all on her and for a second she couldn't speak, she gave in, "ok."

"Good, so get going."

Meredith watched as everyone filed out and then noticed Alex was still leaning against the lockers. He stood, his arms folded, looking at her, waiting for her to say something. Her eyes couldn't quite meet his, instead she settled for looking at his neck.

"Alex-" she tried to speak but he held up a hand.

"What do you want Meredith?"

"Sorry?"

"I'm just wondering if all that's ever needed to be asked of you was a straight forward _what do you want_ and that no-one's ever thought to ask you because it just seemed so damn simple. Too damn simple."

She stood up off the bench and tried to move towards him. Instead her feet felt like blocks of ice and she could only jerk her arms around. She felt like a dumb fool and stopped trying to move and sighed, "i'm sorry Alex. I didn't mean for this-"

He strode towards her and to her surprise she saw there was hurt in his eyes, "you didn't?"

"No of course not!" She faltered, "I mean, well, you know- i'm with Derek!"

"Really? And how _is_ that relationship going right now? When was the last time you even had a meaningful conversation with the guy?!"

"That's none of your business," she snapped.

He caught her shoulders and all her anger faded, she couldn't be mad at him- why the hell couldn't she push him away?

"Don't you get it Meredith? It is my business. It matters to me when you're upset. Don't you see? It makes me crazy-"

"I can't make you crazy Alex- i'm with someone else. I'm with... i'm with Derek..."

"Yeah I know," he sighed, "and that just eats me up."

"It does?" She knew she shouldn't be pushing him to talk about this, it wasn't fair when she didn't know how she would even respond. But to her half relief, half disappointment he stopped speaking.

"I don't know what you want from me Meredith but I sure as hell can't give it you if you're not even willing to look me in the eye."

The door opened and Bailey reappeared, very pissed off, "did I or did I not give you orders five minutes ago?"

Alex dropped her shoulders like she was on fire and Bailey pretended not to see that she had obviously walked into something emotional. "Karev, Grey- move it." She shut the door again and Meredith stared at the closed door.

"Meredith-"

"I have to go, you heard Bailey."

"What are you going to do? Are you going to tell Derek?"

"I don't know."

"But do you even want to be with him?"

"I don't know."

"Meredith!" His voice was full of frustration but she couldn't deal with it right now. It was the hospital dammit! This was supposed to be her happy place! She stormed out of the room and left Alex behind her kicking at the bin in frustration.

**Sooo, I can't decide if this is working or not- if anyone does think it is please review and let me know! I hope it's working, I had an idea in my head and I really wanna get it out right! I love Alex/Meredith chemistry but I want to get it right! So Derek/Meredith drama coming up... And of course, more Alex/Meredith.**


	3. Chapter 3

**A/N: SO I know it's been a while but chapter three is here now! Enjoy!**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Grey's Anatomy, if I did i'd definitely drop half of Meredith's winy speeches and give Ellen Pompeo some smiley time- she deserves it cos she's fabulous and never gets enough credit due to how much MEREDITH makes us all want to kill her- in my opinion!**

Meredith could hear the sounds of Alex's frustration all the way up the hall and half ran up the corridor to catch up with Bailey. She couldn't shake his words, the lovely but oh so wrong words- that she mattered to him, she couldn't feel the same way about him, she had a boyfriend! A very kind, caring, boyfriend. But then, these days he was almost as unemotionally unavailable as she was. He had been shutting her out, closing her down when she tried to talk to him, never telling her what was really wrong. And suddenly Alex had thrown her world completely, changed her perspective entirely as he revealed that he did feel, did know exactly what to say and how to say it. She was now severely confused. He was just so- it was Alex, Alex! There was no way what he had accounted to deep feelings right? And maybe what she felt for Alex was lust, maybe it was just friendly love. Deep down she knew that she was in denial. Whatever she felt for Alex wasn't what she had thought she felt. She-

"Ooof... Oh!" She let out a yelp of surprise as she turned the corner and straight into Derek.

"Derek!"

He looked down at her, the usual mix of sadness and love in his eyes, she hated herself for not being able to meet them properly, "Meredith. You ok?"

"Uh huh, why wouldn't I be?" She said briskly, trying to move a smidgen further away from him without him noticing.

"The funeral- it's tomorrow right?" His voice was full of concern and she could have hit her head against the wall, idiot! Of course that was what he meant! He had no idea, would never suspect... She pulled herself together, she could do this.

"It's at two, and i'll be there."

"Do you want me to come with you?" He asked softly and rested his hands on her shoulders. She dragged her eyes up to meet his;

"Derek-" just at that moment Alex came round the corner and for a split second she saw him flinch as he took in the situation, Derek's hands on her shoulders, her looking up at him, and then he recovered, stalking past and nodding at Derek.

"Dr. Shepherd," he muttered, firmly ignoring her.

"Dr. Karev," Derek said lightly, completely missing the tension.

She sighed inwardly, she suddenly realised that she wanted to run after him, not talk to Derek. She kept her feet still and tried not to reveal that her breathing was shaky. She felt light headed, she needed to get away from this situation, she couldn't do this-

"Derek-"

"Yeah?" He looked at her concerned, and stroked the bruise on her cheek,"how are you feeling about your dad?"

She paused, "i'm ok- it's fine, i'm, you know, i'm fine." There was a long silence and then Derek nodded.

"Ok, I have a surgery," he said softly, "but i'll catch up with you later?" She nodded mutely and he gave up attempting to make her talk, "ok," he reached up and kissed her forehead briefly. "I'll see you later."

She watched him follow in Alex's footsteps down the corridor and then wearily headed after them herself. The bruise Derek had touched was like a constant reminder of what she'd done. Karma. What had happened meant she got slapped, she deserved this... She collapsed low down on a chair at the desk by trauma so that she could at least hear the fun going on around her and scowled at the pile of charts in front of her. Halfway through the third one she got hungry and began rooting around in the drawers for any snacks;

"Yo nurse- i'm looking for Olivia Dalton's chart-" she froze underneath the desk ledge, that damn voice was just following her everywhere, it sounded tense and angry. She decided to stay under the desk- he'd go elsewhere in a minute. But he stayed, tapping his file on the desk top.

"Hello?!" The voice grew impatient, "look I know you think you've got the hardest job in the world and that we doctors are above ourselves but if you could just do me this one tiny favour and get off your lazy ass and hand me the damn file I might-" Meredith sat up and Alex's rant stopped mid track... "Never mind," he muttered after a beat, before turning and walking away.

"Alex," she hissed angrily across the floor, "Alex!" His back was rigid with tension as he stormed away and she stood up quickly and moved round the desk, "Alex wait!"

To her surprise he turned suddenly and yelled at her across the room, "what?!"

She was rendered silent with shock and for a second they stood, staring across at each other, oblivious to the rest of the staff looking at them curiously. His dark eyes burned into her own and she couldn't bring herself to blink or look away. She swallowed, trying to find her voice but she couldn't- she didn't know what she could say. Finally Alex shook his head and waved his arm behind him, "i'll get the chart later," she heard him mutter. For the second time that day she wanted to run after him, but she found she was rooted to the spot.

* * *

"Grey!" Bailey shouted to her across the room, breaking her trance, "we've got more patients than anticipated, come and give us a hand."

Meredith ran towards the nearest stretcher- "you want me to take this one?"

"Errr no-" Dr Bailey glanced around, "that one over there- no-one's dealing with her."

Meredith moved over to where a young woman was lying almost as still as a statue and leant over her, "hello, ma'am? My name's Meredith, can you hear me?"

"Yes," her voice was quiet.

"Can you tell me your name?"

"It's Josie, Josie Mathers."

"Ok hi Josie, we're gonna take really good care of you, can you tell me what hurts?" She glanced over her, trying to work out what was wrong.

"My leg, my leg really hurts, please- I was with my sister, do you know if she's ok?"

"I'm gonna check you out first and i'll send someone to find out about your sister, what's her name?"

"Kaylie Mathers."

"Alright i'll get someone to find her-" Meredith pushed down gently around her leg, "does this hurt?"

"Ooh yes!"

"Ok Josie, you're got a fracture here so i'm gonna take you up to get a proper scan-" with no warning Josie suddenly leant forward and threw up across the bed.

"Ohh, that doesn't feel good," she muttered. Meredith realised with a jolt that there was blood on the sheet and gently lifted it to examine Josie's stomach, there was a gash right across it.

"Josie, does your stomach hurt?" She asked softly, trying to keep her voice calm.

"Yes but i've been feeling sick for a couple of days now, I didn't think that was anything to do with the crash- am I ok?"

"Yeah it doesn't appear too deep," Meredith dabbed at it, squinting at it carefully.

"Grey- if she's not critical we need the space. Incoming!" Bailey yelled as another stretcher came in through the doors.

"Ok Josie, you're gonna go upstairs now, i've bandaged your stomach, but your abdomen looks a little distended so I want to do some more tests- hey," she caught one of the nurses arms, "can you take Miss Mathers for a possible fracture scan- i'll be right behind you Josie."

"Ok," she said weakly, "can you find out about Kaylie please?"

"I'm on it."

She twisted to look at the next trauma and had the wind knocked out of her as someone collided into her;

"Out of my way my friend," Christina sped past grabbing at the trolley, "I hear there's a girl who's heart is on the wrong side of her chest and i'm gonna find her."

"Are you kidding?" Meredith followed her up trauma room, "seriously?"

"Seriously, ahh damn she's just got broken bones," Christina said after examining her before moving backwards through the doors with the trolley and back into the main hospital.

"Hey- you don't know her name do you?" Meredith asked gesturing to the patient in the bed.

"Nah- she's got a broken arm and leg, pretty out of it right now, i'll take her up to Callie to set."

"Ok- hey what about the girl with the heart- do you know her name?"

Christina shrugged, "sideways heart girl?"

"No, i'm looking for a girl called Kaylie Mathers," Meredith said glumly.

"Oh, well I don't know heart girls other name- sorry."

She stitched up a guy's wrist and then sent him on his way before heading to where Josie had been placed.

"Josie- hi, how you feeling?" She picked up the chart at the end of the bed and read that it was indeed a fracture. "Has someone seen your leg?"

"They said there were a lot of people who were in front of me- it doesn't really hurt any more though, have you found my sister?"

"I'm sorry Josie- she doesn't appear to have come in yet, was she sitting next to you?"

"Yeah, she-" Josie let out a sob, "she flew out of the window. Oh god, what if she's- she's-"

"You can't think like that," Meredith said softly, "look i'll go and check the board again and see if she's been admitted, and i'll collect your test results at the same time ok? I'll be back soon, try and get some rest." This girl's panic was scaring her today, she wasn't safe to offer hope.

* * *

She decided to grab lunch before she got the test results and sat down heavily next to Izzie outside on an empty table.

"Hey Iz."

"Hey."

Meredith looked at her friend, she had a strange look on her face, "Iz?"

"George won't talk to me. Alex is acting really weird. You're acting really weird," she was staring intently at the table, "everything is so weird round here today. My patient- she went to the supermarket for milk. _Milk_ Meredith. And now she might not walk again. This day, _sucks_."

"My patient lost her sister, I mean like literally lost. She flew out of the window. And now I can't find her," Meredith glanced across to where an angry Alex was paying for his lunch, "I agree, this day officially sucks."

"This day _rocks_," Christina dropped her tray down with relish and sat down beaming, "my girl is your missing sister by the way Mer- she has her heart on the other side of her chest, how freakin' amazing is that?"

Izzie leant forward astonished, "seriously!?"

"Seriously. Yo Mer how are you doing on the whole avoiding your boyfriend slash lover?"

"I am not avoiding anybody! I am fine. We are fine," she said firmly. Both Izzie and Christina looked at her in disbelief.

Alex slammed his tray down on the table opposite them and Christina rolled her eyes. "Man who knew evil spawn could brood so well, this may be the hottest he's ever appeared to me."

"He's not hot, he's mean," Izzie retorted and then glanced nervously at Meredith, "sorry I mean- well, he's you know, ok."

"Why are you looking at me?!" Meredith said incredulously, "I don't care what anybody else thinks about him, I don't think about him at all, I mean, you know we're friends so I think about being friends, or whatever friends do, you know, or whatever," she trailed off.

Burke appeared outside and Christina leapt up, "gotta go, the surgery is this afternoon, god I am so psyched. You two," she said pointing at them both, "quit being saps and have a party or something. Burke!" She jogged towards him and Izzie and Meredith watched her go enviously.

"You know actually, she's kinda right, we should have a party!" Izzie put down her fork, "we should have a party _tonight_ Meredith."

Meredith dragged her eyes away from staring at Alex, trying to get him to look at her, "what? Oh yeah sure whatever."

"Great!" Izzie stood up, "i'll sort it." As she walked past Alex she patted him on the shoulder, "yo Alex we're having a party tonight, show up and smile at least once an hour."

"I won't promise anything," he growled spearing a tomato piece, he glanced up smiling at her slightly and then caught Meredith's eye and hastily looked down again, scowling once more.

She sighed, maybe a party would be a good thing, it would mean she could drunk. Drinking would help. Goody. Tequila.

She got up and purposely skirted round the tables nearest Alex, he noticed and rolled his eyes, pushing back his own chair sharply and walking away shaking his head, making her feel more foolish than ever.

* * *

"Hey there, how's your day going?" Derek swung his arm around her waist as she stood waiting for test results.

"Hey, it's good- how are you?"

"Great, surgery was successful, i've got something at five but I hear you're having a party tonight, am I invited?" He beamed at her, god he was so happy, why was that she thought crossly, and then felt bad for even thinking it.

"Of course you're invited, but how do you know about it? I swear Izzie only decided like twenty minutes ago."

"Ahh news travels fast in this place."

"Yeah I know," she said, slightly guiltily, if he knew half of what news could be travelling around the hospital... She blinked, "I mean, that'd be great, what time are you coming over?"

"Well my surgery should be done by ten so I think i'll get there about eleven- too late?"

"You are so not hip if you think eleven is late," she said smiling for what felt like the first time all day.

"I know, but I can be cool and hip, how about I swing by at eleven then babe?"

"Aha, nice try," she said laughing.

He moved to kiss her and half instinctively, half by accident she turned so that he kissed her cheek instead. He seemed surprised but recovered and nodded, "i'll see you later."

"Yeah- great," she nodded slowly until he was out of sight and then turned and dropped her head in her hands. God she was such an idiot. Why was she avoiding him? She ignored her brain answering her own question.

"Results for Mathers, Josie are up," the analysis guy banged the papers in front of her.

"Oh," she straightened up, "great, thanks." She glanced at them and then turned back, "wait- are you sure these are right?"

The guy fixed her with a bored look, "i'm always right."

Meredith headed into Josie's room and cleared her throat, Josie opened her eyes, "heyy," she said croakily, "any news on my sister?"

Meredith could have sworn aloud, she had completely forgotten about Kaylie. "Ohhh yeah, Josie," she sat down on the bed, "Josie-"

"What- please, is she ok?" Josie sat up and then frustratedly she had lie back down, "damn this leg," she brushed her hand across her eyes. "Dammit..." She was sobbing now and Meredith felt helpless to do anything, "we were fighting. We were arguing on the bus and she got up to get off and then- then- god just please, please tell me she's ok because she can't be dead. She has to be alive because I can't have been a bitch to my sister the last time we speak, please-"

"You're sister is alive Josie," Meredith said gently, "but she's very unwell- she's undergoing surgery this afternoon-"

"What?! Why?!"

"She's suffered some internal injuries- her heart is actually on the other side of her chest but-"

"It's what?!"

"Oh my god! Oh god," she suddenly began gasping for air and Meredith leant forward quickly;

"Josie?"

"I can't breathe. Oh god- I can't breathe, please-"

"Josie!" Meredith pushed the bed down and pressed the code button, a nurse came flying in. "She's having a massive panic attack- page OB."

"OB?" Asked the nurse confused.

"She's pregnant! About five months- quickly! Josie!" Dammit she had explained that so badly. She owed her patients her full attention and she'd failed this one. How had she not noticed she was pregnant?

Several minutes later Alex flew into the room, "what's going on?"

"Patients twenty weeks pregnant, she's had a seizure in the last minute and her leg is broken-"

"I got it," he snapped at her and picked up the chart.

"Why are you-" she started but he ignored her.

"Miss Mathers can you hear me?" He moved towards the bed and injected something into her drip.

"What are you doing?" Meredith said angrily, "this is my patient!"

"Well now she's mine," he retorted before kicking the bed into movement and leaving the room.

"Alex!"

"Leave me alone Meredith i'm dealing with a patient."

"Alex!"

"I'll talk to you at home."

Angrily she followed him down the hall, "but you haven't talked to me all day!"

"You haven't talked to me either!" He stopped at the elevator, Josie now appeared calmer, Alex however, was completely the opposite. "You've run from me every chance you've had- why should I be any different?!"

She faltered for a second, "I-"

The elevator doors opened and he stepped towards her, he was so close she could feel him breathing, "what else should I be doing Meredith?"

She looked up into his eyes, she couldn't breathe, he was so lovely... So confusing... So-

"Meredith," he said softly.

"You seem to know better than I do how to do this."

He leant ever so slightly closer, "trust me, when it comes to you, I have no idea what i'm doing."

At the other side of the corridor, having just scrubbed in, Derek watched slightly curiously and slightly confused as his girlfriend and Karev had some sort of strange altercation by the elevator. What was with the tension? And why did he feel a different kind of tension in the pit of his stomach as he watched them?

**So I know not much _big_ stuff happened, but I hope it was an acceptable chapter! Really sorry about the long wait- do review if you enjoyed please. So yay, party next and of course that means alcohol and the consequences...**


	4. Chapter 4

**Disclaimer: I don't own anything. But I am in LOVE with season 5, exceeded my expectations far and away! We're back like old school greys.**

**A/N: I love the idea of Meredith and Alex but I really am a Mer/Der fan. I've just kind of exaggerated their issues (not that they needed _much_ help in S3) but don't get me wrong, I love them. Btw, in this chapter things do get a bit different with the other characters too.**

MGMT blasted through the open windows and door as Meredith pulled up her drive. It was exactly what she needed, a crazy party, out of control loud people and a full house to get drunk and lost in. She picked up the brown paper bag in the back of her car and clambered over several comatose people to get in the door.

"Iz?" She shouted over the racket, "George?" She glanced into the living room where several orthos had taken over a keg and were trying to make a second tap, idiots she thought rolling her eyes. Although it seemed there was one ortho out there who was smart, worth something. "Christina?" She yelled up the stairs to no response, "Callie?...Hellooo? Woah, ok you are not someone I know," she said moving round a half naked guy attempting to dance with her. She leant against the bannister trying to see through the crowd, "Alex?" There was no answer. Great, she was all alone. She wondered if he had made it home yet. She shook herself, no thinking of him. She couldn't see anyone she knew so instead of looking for her friends any further she dropped her bags and pulled out a new bottle of tequila, "it is _so_ drinking time," she muttered.

* * *

She had stood for what felt like a lifetime staring at the closed elevator doors and had only been dragged from her thoughts when she realised the doors were open again and a nurse was looking at her strangely and asking if she was going up. No, she'd muttered quickly, shaking her head and turning to half run, half walk back to the locker room. Inside she'd collapsed on the nearest bench and buried her head in her hands.

"You ok?" A concerned voice had drawn her back to the real world. She looked up, Callie was standing leaning against the lockers, waiting for Meredith to respond.

"Hey Callie, yeah," she stood, "i'm fine- thanks."

Callie raised an eyebrow, "I don't buy it."

"What?"

"The whole Meredith says i'm fine and everyone believes her and leaves her alone thing. What's going on Grey?"

Meredith sighed, "look Callie- I don't know what George has told you but-"

"He's told me that you're having a bad week-" there was a pause and she smiled slightly, "he tells me most things you know." Meredith stared at her, did she know about George and Izzie?

"He- he does?"

Callie rolled her eyes, "Subtle Grey. Look, I know we've had a rough patch, but he's my guy, the one I want, and i'm sticking with him. So come on, i've shared about George, so spill, no-one else is in here, call it our mutual understanding code of silence thing again."

Meredith narrowed her eyes and then smiled slightly, "you are very hard to say no to you know."

"I know, it's one of my many talents," Callie grinned and sat down, Meredith sat down beside her. There was a long silence as Meredith tried to form words, where did she start?

"It's just that- me and Derek. It's like we've stopped talking, like, there's a barrier between us. I know what he wants from me but, but I don't know what I want from him you know? Like you know what you want from George, Christina knows what she wants, Burke knows, Alex knows exactly what he..." She trailed off.

Callie shrugged, "so you don't know what you want, not the biggest crime in the book Meredith."

"It is to Derek," she said sighing, "he wants me to say all these things and make all these commitment whatevers and I need- I don't know, I don't know what I want. I mean what if I want is- but then that can't be right and I go back round in circles. And then this thing with Susan and my father and Derek was just _there_ and I couldn't let him in and he'd stopped trying. But Alex I can-" she bit her lip and looked at Callie feeling the guilt flood her face. Callie inclined her head and raised her eyebrows minimally.

"Alex." It wasn't so much a question as a sudden understanding. The reason Meredith couldn't say everything Derek needed to hear was a brooding arrogant intern. Callie could see the attraction- where Derek was all sad and distant and slightly naive about certain things, Karev was all about action and getting on with things, a realist, maybe cynical and a pain in the ass but he certainly knew what he wanted.

"Yeah," Meredith sighed, "Alex."

Callie nodded slowly, chewing over what she'd learnt.

"Look Callie-" Meredith started.

"No- I know, don't worry, code of silence and all," she said smiling quickly. "I was just wondering how to put this... Look Meredith, i'm really not the best person to give advice on loving someone and dealing with it. But, from what I know- saying it isn't the big problem, it's knowing that you love them enough to handle all their crap and more importantly, knowing they're willing to handle yours. It's a two way street here- if Derek doesn't get that you need space," she shrugged, "then he doesn't get you."

* * *

Back at the party Meredith had finally found her friends. Callie had smiled at her brightly and she'd returned it beaming, high on the alcohol. She had found that she actually got along pretty well with Callie O'Malley, she hoped she had meant it when she said she was sticking it out with George. George himself was busy creating insane cocktails and feeding them to her whilst Izzie was on the floor half asleep, half giggling to herself. Christina had appeared looking stressed and muttering something about their test before attempting to coerce Callie into lending her the renowned flash cards that had got Callie the best score of her year on the intern test. When that had failed Christina had resorted to doing as many shots as possible and drinking Sloan under the table. Meanwhile Alex was nowhere to be seen and she was pretending to herself that she really hadn't noticed whether he was around or not. Or for that matter, where Derek was. It was past eleven and she was just-

"Stop it," muttered Christina, passing her a bottle of gin as she sat down next to her on an empty sofa.

"Stop what?" Meredith gave her a look of pure innocence and then took a swig from the bottle.

"Stop wondering where your love life is, your crazy messed up love life."

"My love life is fine thank you very much- besides where's Burke?"

"Meh, having dinner with his mother," Christina took the bottle back and shook her head, "you know she's everywhere. She's actually become _friends_ with my mother- who does that? Who befriends my mother?"

Meredith chuckled, "you know that is not very nice about your mother?"

"Oh please, she can take it."

Something new came on the stereo and Christina jumped up, "oh I love this song! Come on mopey, get up and dance!" She grabbed Meredith's hands and pulled her up.

"Oh no, too quick!" Meredith felt dizzy and began laughing, "ohh my head is spinning!" She twisted and lost her footing, reaching out she felt a pair of hands catch her. "Oh!" She looked up, still laughing and realised it was Alex. He was still wearing his coat and looked slightly confused by the whole party but his hands grasped her arms tightly. She tried to stand, resting one hand on his chest to steady herself.

"Sorry," she muttered.

"It's fine," he replied, his eyes still on her face, she felt hot. Across the room Callie and Christina exchanged a glance and a mutual understanding passed between them- albeit a slightly drunken one.

Someone bashed into the two of them and in a split second Alex wrapped an arm around her protectively, giving her a chance to lean into his shoulder, breathing him in, feeling safe at last. He held her close for a second longer and then pulled away, "sorry," he murmured before turning towards the kitchen. She watched him move away, unsure what to say, stay? Or was it right for him to go right now? Before she could decide someone else spoke for her.

"Karev!" A voice filled with anger stopped Alex moving towards the drinks table and slowly he turned round. Sloan moved across the living room, his face filled with anger, "can we talk?"

"I don't have anything to say to you," Alex said eyeing him warily.

"Well I got things I wanna say to you ok?" And with that Sloan marched towards the front door and waited for Alex to follow him.

Christina appeared by Meredith's side as she watched them go puzzled, "what was all that about?"

"I don't know," Meredith said, tipping her head to one side to try and figure it out. At the last second Alex cast a glance over his shoulder and caught her eye, the look on his face scared her, it was almost guilty. She flinched involuntarily, more drama? Great. Just what she needed.

"I need another drink," she announced and George came running through holding a wine glass.

"Try this Mer! Try-" with a crash he tripped over a rug and landed at her feet, wine spilling all over her legs.

"Ohh crap!" She pulled at her jeans, "I better go take these offf." She waltzed up the stairs, ignoring the urge to look out the front door and find out what Sloan and Alex were talking about. Upstairs she fell onto her bed and tugged at her jeans. They were taking forever to come off. She couldn't be bothered to wrestle with another pair and so instead threw on a pair of shorts. Satisfied she stumbled back downstairs to someone shouting.

"I had no idea what was going on with you two- leave me out of this!"

"You're the reason she's not giving us a real try,"

"I had nothing to do with that, just leave me out of this."

She stepped outside to witness Alex and Sloan inches from each other, anger seething out of both of them.

"You had everything to do with it- you slept together!"

Meredith closed her eyes, what?! She hiccuped suddenly and opened her eyes just as Alex turned to see her standing in the door way, framed by light, a hurt expression on her face like no other he'd ever seen.

* * *

"Meredith-"

"Don't," she said quickly, before turning and fleeing inside.

"Meredith," Alex dived after her, leaving Sloan kicking at the grass, and caught her arm in the crowded hall.

"Leave me alone Alex," she said tugging her arm away.

"No!" He pulled her into the darkened utility room, "we need to talk- I mean I need to explain."

"Explain? How 'bout you explain why you've been making me feel like crrrap all day when really- really you're the one who's sleeping with everrryone! Who else?! Next you'll be telling me you've hit on Christina!"

"You don't get to be mad at me about this Meredith- we're not together."

She stared up at him, his words hit her like a blow to the stomach and she nodded, "you're right. We're not. But nothing you have said to me can mean anything after what i've just learnt. _Ever_."

"Meredith-"

"You're as bad as me," she said softly, "but I thought you were better, that you'd changed or whatever. I thought I-" she shook her head, "it doesn't matter now." She turned her back to him but he jumped up from where he'd been leaning and pulled her back round.

"Don't do that," he said fiercely, "you can't use what I did as an excuse not to have feelings for me Meredith."

"Oh I can-"

"No," he said angrily, "you can bitch and moan as much as you like but you know deep down you'll have those feelings whatever- look me in the eye and tell me i'm wrong."

She couldn't meet his eyes and slowly he loosened his grip, he cupped her face so that she had to look up, "you're so in denial Grey," he muttered before bending and kissing her. For a moment she closed her eyes, letting him kiss her, kissing him back. She slipped her arms up around his neck and- suddenly light flooded into the room and Callie appeared.

"Oh- you know, de ja vu just doesn't quite cut it these days," she said smirking slightly, Meredith flashed her eyes at her and she snorted, "Izzie's being sick, I need the mop bucket in the corner."

Alex turned and picked it up before tossing it at her, "thanks," she said catching it easily before closing the door, leaving them alone again.

"I can't keep doing this with you," she said sadly, "I have to- I have a boyfriend and you- you have Addison," she could hardly say the name without letting the hurt swallow her up.

"Meredith-"

"I'm gonna go," she looked up at him, he didn't know what to say to make her stay. Instead he watched her open the door and disappear back into the party and sighed as the door closed behind her, leaving him in darkness.

* * *

"Five... Five... Four, four?" Meredith was attempting to count backwards from five to try and sober up. She had no idea how she'd got so drunk, she could have sworn she'd only had some tequila... Oh but then she'd had those shots of something George had created... And then that wine... Oh nooo... She leant against the back wall of her house and tipped her head back.

"Five..." She muttered, "fourrr."

"What are you doing out here crazy person? It's freezing!" Christina appeared beside her waving a half empty tequila bottle and Meredith reached for it.

"I was- I was trying to count- count to five."

"Ah it all makes sense now," Christina rolled her eyes and passed her the bottle. There was a silence between the two friends whilst Meredith tipped the bottle up and Christina watched her incredulously."You are too good at downing that," she said finally, taking the bottle back before Meredith had a chance to drop it.

"I've had a lot, lot of practice," Meredith slurred before trying to stand up and tripping on air, "woops!" She caught Christina's arm and chuckled, "didn't plan that there, didn't plan a lot of stuff," she added more quietly.

Christina nodded and then took a swig and shook her head, "oh that's nasty."

"You know what else is nasty?" Meredith straightened up and stepped onto the wet grass, "me cheating on Mcdreamy... That's not, that's not good behaviour Christina!"

Christina snorted, "you kidding me? None of us have been behaving since day one, quit beating yourself up. Crap happens, now you fix it."

Meredith stared at the grass, "maybe I don't want to fix it," she said quietly.

Christina frowned, "as in you and Derek? You don't wanna fix you and Derek?"

"There hasn't been a me and Derek for so long! He's been sooo distant," she staggered towards the wall and took the bottle again, "you know what sucks? _I_ was trying to be commu- communic- communicative. _I_ was trying. And he stopped! And stupid Karev-"

"What about Karev?" Christina said sharply.

Meredith was silent, she looked up at her friend guiltily and Christina rolled her eyes, "again?"

"You said no judgement! Besides apparently he's been doin' the mcnasty with Addison... God i'm such a freakin' idiot!" She waved the bottle around and alcohol splashed over her hands.

"Mer don't waste!" Christina yelled diving forward and steadying the bottle. Meredith was swaying slightly and hiccuping, Christina squeezed her hand quickly and then took the bottle, "you're gonna be ok. We will all be ok. By the way you got my one non-romantic contact pass for the month, I hope you appreciate it."

"Oh I do! You know you're my best friend in the whole world?"

"Ohh yes, I know, and this is empty." Christina steered her towards the door, "your much too sober friend right now, I need another drink!"

They were greeted by plumes of smoke, "jesus what's going on in here?" Meredith waved her hands in front of her and hit something solid, "oops, sorry George!"

"Owww! Izzie left the oven on," he said nursing his bashed face, "the smoke detector's gonna-" before he could finish the smoke detector began beeping and pandemonium broke out. Smoke was now filling the entire downstairs and people were shouting about a fire. The oven was still billowing smoke and Callie seemed to be battling with Izzie.

"My cake!" Izzie was shouting, "my cake will be ruined! Ow dammit let me near that oven!"

"You can't save it now Izzie- let it go!"

Meredith was suddenly hit by a bout of hysterical laughter, the irony of Callie dragging Izzie away from the oven saying, you can't save it- they could never escape work. Christina turned and looked at her as though she were mad.

"Are you ok?"

"I'm fine!" She coughed slightly and felt her eyes tear up, "has someone put it out yet?"

Suddenly and without warning the oven suddenly caught fie and the situation turned very serious.

"Oh crap! George you're stupid cocktail mix was by the oven!" Callie dived forward but the flames were getting quite high, George pulled her back.

"Callie! Someone call the fire brigade!" George shouted over the alarm. People were panicking now and heading for the front door.

Meredith tried to move forward, towards the taps- she could put this out easily, when the fire seemed to double all at once and engulfed half the work top-

"Meredith get back!"

* * *

A table clattered over sideways as Meredith fell against it pulling away from the flames and alcohol poured onto the floor.

"Holy crap get out of here," George said quickly as he looked down at the pools of gin, vodka and every other flammable, he reached down to help Christina pull Meredith up. "Callie?"

"I'm right here George, i've got Izzie!"

The smoke alarm had alerted him to a problem and Alex appeared at the foot of the stairs, wide eyed, "what the hell?!" He scanned the people moving out of the house, none of them were people he wanted to see. Where the hell was she? He pushed past the crowds towards the smoke. He was coughing, there was thick smoke everywhere and he could hardly breathe. He moved towards the kitchen where he could see flames, fear in his throat- and saw George and Callie dragging Izzie out of the kitchen.

"Meredith?" He said quickly, "where's Meredith?"

"She's with Christina," George said croakily, his voice scratchy with the smoke. Alex dived forward

"Meredith!"

"Alex?" Christina appeared dragging Meredith who was clutching her head, she had a gash across her forehead.

"I thought I could put it out," she was saying, she seemed surprised that she hadn't. She looked up and broke into a smile,"Alex!" Something inside her was cheering, he was here, everything was ok, how had he known she needed him?

"Thank christ," he muttered before picking her up and carrying her out, Christina was ahead coughing like crazy.

"Everybody should be outside!" A fireman ordered, "we got a call about an alarm and smoke- it looks more serious," he pushed past them with three more guys, "get outside!"

Alex dropped Meredith on the grass and looked at her intently, "are you ok?"

"Ouch," she said groggily, "did someone hit me?"

"The table fell on you- you idiot! Why do you always try and do the stupid person option?!" Christina reprimanded her from her collapsed position next to her."Ohh," She clutched her head, "hang over hell already."

"Easy for you to talk- your house isn't on fire," Meredith retorted, "instant karma."

Alex gestured at the nearest medic and he came over to look at Meredith's head. Alex stood up and moved away slightly, he had come too close to losing her, he felt dizzy. Another medic handed them all oxygen.

"Are you kidding?" Alex growled, "I breathed it in for all of five minutes."

"Oh take the happy gas evil spawn," Christina said rolling her eyes and breathing in her own heavily. "I should call Burke."

Alex watched as the medic put a bandage over Meredith's cut and then breathed a sigh of relief as he nodded and turned away.

He dropped down beside her again, "I was kinda worried you were goin' somewhere Grey," he said quietly.

She met his eyes and smiled slightly, her hand finding his, "not any time soon."

**Soooo I hope that was acceptable for a Grey's party! Please do review, they make all the difference for how the story goes, and whether it goes even!**


	5. Chapter 5

**A/N: Thought this song was pretty darn relevant. Sooo long time, it's difficult to write this without getting REALLY mad at Derek, especially after thursday- where was the explanation about how Christina/Sadie were making him feel? If he uses this against Meredith, grrrr.**

**Disclaimer: You know if I owned GA, I would never have fired Brooke Shields in such an unfinished manner. I would never have introduced Sadie- where are all these people from Meredith's past coming from?! Shonda, stop making up characters and concentrate on the ones you've got, like umm, GEORGE?!?! oh and Denny will remain dead in my story, don't get me wrong I loved Denny but umm, the drowning episodes were almost too much and now this?!? ANGRY. JDM has a different job now, let Izzie be happy in the present.**

_I have a lover, who loves me,_

_How could I break such a heart?_

_Yet still you gain my attention._

_Why do you come here? When you know i've got troubles enough._

Meredith opened her eyes and realised for the second time in one week she wasn't in her own bed. To her relief however, this was out of her control completely. Christina had persuaded Burke to let Izzie, Alex and Meredith stay in their apartment and they had all collapsed exhausted on the various sofas and chairs. George and Callie had attempted to persuade them to stay in the hotel they were staying in but Izzie had grabbed Meredith's arm and whispered hurriedly;

"I am no way staying in the same hotel as them!"

"But-"

"No Meredith! We may have accepted what happened as a mistake but I cannot imagine them in the same hotel as me.. doing things.."

"Eww ok ok, we'll crash Christina's." At four in the morning Meredith wasn't in the mood for trailing round hotels for vacancy's.

"Thank you," the relief in Izzie's voice had made Meredith feel guilty she hadn't asked about her friends relationship status more. There was definitely something up with Iz. She knew Izzie was struggling just as much as she was but it seemed like there was something more. Now however, she was just about ready to curse her; she had taken up pretty much the whole damn sofa.

With bones that felt like they were creaking at every movement she rolled over and to her shock fell off the sofa. "Oooff, ouch!"

"Mmyou ok?" Izzie muttered from her pile of cushions.

"Yeah," Meredith replied wearily, "i'm dandy." She got up and padded towards the bathroom. She splashed water on her face and then stared at herself in the mirror- she looked a mess. Great. As if today wasn't going to be excruciating enough, she had to look a state whilst suffering it. She glanced over at the bathroom cabinet, on which Christina had stuck several flash cards and her brain alarm went off. Oooh crap the test. When was that again? Tomorrow? She prayed it wasn't today.

"Excuse me, err Meredith?" Doctor Burke's polite gentlemanly voice came though the door and she jumped.

"Yes?"

"Would you like some coffee?"

"Ohh yes please!"

She clambered into the shower and let the water run over her, she felt achey all over. Her throat was raw from the smoke and she suspected under the pain from the fire there was a massive hangover looming. She tried not to think about Alex/Derek and concentrated on the day ahead. She wasn't sure how she was going to cope with Susan's funeral All the woman had ever shown her had been kindness and she had constantly shot her down and treated her badly. She felt so awful, she'd never been able to tell her how grateful she was for everything she'd tried to do. As she switched off the water she realised the streaks on her face were tears, and for a minute she crouched down, trying to compose herself.

She opened the door five minutes later rubbing her face with a towel and walked straight into Alex who was standing waiting for her. "What are you doing?" She hissed crossly.

"We need to talk," he muttered, before grabbing her wrist and pulling her back into the bathroom.

"Alex! I need to get ready for the funeral."

He looked down at her now damp, dark grey tee shirt and Christina's borrowed trousers, "you're wearing that?"

"No of course not you idiot!"

"Well, that's good, I mean you look, well, you know, you look ok and all," he added quickly, "it's just not very funerally-"

She rolled her eyes and then against her will, smiled. "Thanks, but no I have something else." She felt the black cloud loom again, "look Alex, can't we talk later?"

"No Meredith-"

"Yes, Alex-" she opened the door and dropped the towel to the floor. He kicked it away and caught the door, not letting her move.

"Alex!"

"Meredith-" he pushed the door to and in return she then opened it hard into his open hand, "ouch!"

"Oh that did not hurt you! I'll tell you what hurts, drowning!"

"Ohh like that's fair! Come on, can we just-"

"No- oww Alex!"

"Meredith-"

The reappearing Preston (with Meredith's cup of coffee) was greeted by the sight of Meredith wrestling at his bathroom door with Alex. They seemed to be fighting about having the door open or shut- both of them were arguing fiercely. "Interns," he muttered rolling his eyes.

"Ahem," he cleared his throat loudly and they both jumped at least a foot before turning shocked, guilty looks spreading across their faces. "Your coffee," he said softly, handing it her and giving her a significant look, before turning and walking back to the kitchen.

"Great," she muttered, "now we're in trouble."

"You started it," he said crossly back, nudging her. Against her will she giggled and nudged him back."Cut it out!"

"Ouch no you cut it out."

"Stop it! Grey you're such a loser."

"Ha! So are you."

"Oh round of applause for the best come back ever."

There was a knock at the front door and Burke moved to open it, "Derek!" They shook hands.

Both Meredith and Alex heard his exclamation and immediately Alex's smile died on his face and he retreated into the bathroom, closing the door in Meredith's face. She felt flustered and rubbed her face quickly.

"Hey," Derek came over to her and kissed her, "how are you? How's the house?"

"I'm ok," she nodded, he looked at her in disbelief, "i'm fine! I promise. The house is standing and we should be allowed back in tomorrow." She moved towards the sofa where Christina had laid out a black dress for her to borrow. "I have to get ready for the funeral."

He followed her and watched as she pulled her tee shirt over her head, catching sight of the bruises that had formed across her spine. "Meredith-" he reached out and touched one, "how did you get these?"

She turned to try and look at them, "oh," she shrugged, "I think the table fell on me before I got out of the kitchen."

"Oh god, Meredith," he said softly, "come here." He pulled her into a hug and she leant into his chest. But he didn't smell right, she could feel the distance between them. "I can't believe I could have lost you again," he said quietly. Had they not already fallen apart? She closed her eyes trying to convince herself she was in the right pair of arms. Behind them Alex emerged from the bathroom and watched with a mixture of sadness and envy as Derek stroked Meredith's hair.

"Do you want me to come to the funeral?" Derek asked softly.

"No, it's ok- you have surgeries, besides, I can do this," she tried to smile convincingly. His eyes searched her face doubtfully.

"Are you sure?"

"Yeah, i'm sure. Go on- i'll see you this afternoon."

"You gonna be able to do the test?"

"So that's today?" She asked, staring at him aghast.

"Yeah," he moved towards her again, "you'd forgotten?"

She backed away absent mindedly and he couldn't help but notice. "I- no no, it's fine. I can do it."

"Ok," he paused, "is everything else ok?"

She hesitated, they hadn't been telling each other things for such a long time, where did she start? "No, every thing's fine, i'll see you later." She turned away and began pulling the dress over her head. Derek watched her for a second, unsure of how to ask about what he'd seen at the elevator with Karev yesterday. It felt unfair to bring it up when she was going through so much, but when were they ever not going through drama?

* * *

Meredith clambered into the car next to Izzie and closed her eyes wearily. She wasn't ready for this.

"Ok, so you'll sign in, we'll get assignments, then you go. Then you come back, do the test and pass your first year with flying colours." Christina went through a mental check list out loud. She turned to survey her friend as Burke pulled onto the highway, "you can do this Mer."

Alex shifted on the other side of Izzie and stared determinedly out of the window. He wanted to reach over and reassure her, to take her hand and tell her she was strong and that she could handle anything. Between the two of them they'd seen everything, broken parents, broken families, broken lives. Piece by piece they were gluing themselves back together and he wanted to do it with her, not let her do it alone. Derek had no idea the kind of crap Meredith had been through. He did, he could help her. Instead, however, he sat on his hands and listened to Christina say _his_ words.

In the parking lot Meredith stared up at the building and swallowed, she wasn't ready for this. Christina was walking ahead with Burke and turned to look for her friend.

"Mer?"

"I'll be right in, go on, go ahead."

Christina frowned and hesitated and then nodded, "ok. I'll be inside."

Izzie was already way ahead muttering about the cardiovascular muscles. George was waiting for her with hot chocolate.

"What do you want?" She asked quietly.

"I just wanted to see if you were ok, we're friends remember?" He had a bruise on his cheek- evidence of his own part in the house disaster. She felt bad immediately.

"Ohh." She took the drink and tried to smile, "thanks."

"You're welcome." They began to move inside and Izzie tried to form words, instead she fell short.

"George-"

He turned to look at her, "what's up?"

"I'm-"

"George!" Callie appeared from the elevator, "god i'm so knackered, do you have time for a coffee? Oh hi Izzie- how are you feeling?"

"Great," Izzie said quickly,"really really great." The two O'Malleys stared at her for a second and she felt stupid. "Well you know apart from my home burning down and all, George i'll see you upstairs." She bolted for the elevator. Dammit.

"What's up with her?" Callie asked, watching her go puzzled.

George narrowed his eyes as the doors closed on a flushed Izzie, "I don't know-" he kissed his wife's cheek, "i'll talk to you later ok?"

"Yeah- ok.." She sighed and clapped her hands together, "I guess we'll do coffee later," she said to herself.

* * *

"You ok?" Alex appeared by Meredith's side and she turned to look at him helplessly.

"Yeah. I just need a minute you know?"

"Yeah I know."

"I don't know how to do this Alex."

He nodded, "just keep breathing. That's all you gotta do. You want me to stay?"

"No it's ok. Thanks."

"Ok." He moved to walk towards the entrance trying to act casual.

"Alex-" she called after him and he turned and shook his head.

"It's ok- we don't have to do this today Meredith."

"Oh," she nodded, she appreciated him not pushing her for answers, but she had almost wanted to say... Instead she nodded again, "ok."

He stared at her across the parking lot, his dark eyes filled with so many emotions. Wordlessly she gazed back, her own eyes mirroring his. She still couldn't move, still couldn't face this day. Finally he came back towards her and took her hand, "come on- you can't stand out here all day, you'll get a cold."

She looked up at him gratefully and then down at their two hands. At the doors he let go and stepped slightly behind her, "you're ok, just go up the elevator-"

He stopped speaking as her father appeared coming out of one of the elevators. Meredith froze beside him, gently he placed a hand on her back to steady her. Thatcher came towards them, even three feet away Meredith could smell the alcohol.

"Why are you-"

"I don't want you at my wife's funeral," he said, slurring his words.

"But-"

"No! I don't want you there. It's your fault!" He shouted the last bit and Meredith stared at him horrified. She couldn't say anything, it _was_ her fault. She had promised Susan and she had failed her. "Now i'm alone! I have no one and this is _your_ fault! You set out to do this; you're just like your mother, out for all you can get-"

"That's enough!" Alex had stepped in front of Meredith and she found that without his steady hand on her back she was shaking like a leaf.

Thatcher stared at Alex in confusion, "who are you?"

"I'm-" he floundered for words, "I'm a friend of Meredith's and you do not get to say things like that to her, ever. She's not to blame here, medicine doesn't always work. I'm so sorry for your loss but-"

Thatcher waved a hand in the air, "oh what do you care?" Before turning and walking out of the doors, "stay away from my family!" He shouted over his shoulder.

Meredith watched him go silently, feeling her knees go weak. "Meredith?" Alex took her arm.

"I wanna go," she said almost in a whisper.

"Ok," he said softly, "let's go."

"No Alex- i'll go, you have the test-" she pulled against him and stopped, "I don't wanna drag you down."

"Meredith- we're in this together," he said firmly. "Kinda like you jump I jump."

"We are?" She felt happier just hearing him say something like that, she wasn't alone.

"Yep. And if you wanna stand here all day, that's fine. I can stand here too- I might need to get us some chairs though-"

She smiled, she couldn't help it, "no that's ok. Let's just, get out of here."

He grinned, "ok. Where to?"

They headed back out into the parking lot and she glanced over to the bus stop. It gave her an idea. "Let's just get the next bus and go till it reaches the end of the line."

He raised his eyebrows, "whatever bus it is?"

"Yep," she began to walk towards the stop and then turned, holding out a hand, "you up for it?"

He looked at her like she was crazy for a second. He thought about the patients he had, the test, Ava, Addison, Sloan. Everyone who would be mad at him for just, disappearing. He though about Derek and whether or not he'd begin to click if he and Meredith just vanished together. Then he looked into her smiling eyes and rolled his own, "like i'm gonna say no," he said moving towards her. "Let's hit the road Grey."

_'Cause this old love, you know it has me bound,_

_But this new love cuts so deep,_

_If I choose now, i'm bound to lose out,_

_One of you is gonna have to fall..._

_I need you baby._


	6. Chapter 6

**A/N: Thanks for the reviews- any are appreciated! I know this took a long time but I've been so uninspired by S6! **

**Disclaimer: Nothing owned- ha thank god seeing as I wouldn't wish my name to be associated with the Dezzie tragedy that is destroying my faith in GA. But here's hoping for him to truly ****die**** disappear in the spring.**

Alex watched Meredith out of the corner of his eye. She hadn't spoken for the entire journey but she seemed much calmer now. Her face was a picture of serenity as she watched the scenery zip past through the window. He had switched his cell phone and pager off an hour ago to stop them from buzzing incessantly and was attempting not to over think their present situation. Meredith seemed completely oblivious and every so often would squeeze his hand and smile, before turning back to the window. He was concerned that her level of denial would eventually explode and he wouldn't be able to say the right thing. She seemed so vulnerable and he really didn't want her to think he was taking advantage.

"Hey Mer-"

"Yeah?"

"When we get to where we're going-"

"Alex stop worrying- it doesn't suit you."

He laughed, "ok, you're right, but I still don't like the way we left things." His dark eyes searched her grey ones, "are you ok?"

She rested her head against the glass for a second and didn't fully meet his eyes, "yeah I'm ok."

He looked unconvinced and she tried to smile brightly, "Alex come on! We're on a road trip- let's just have some fun!"

"Meredith we can't have fun- we're interns! We're losers, we're nobodies. We're supposed to be taking an exam right now!"

"Alex, I thought you were with me on the whole road trip thing. Why are you being so serious?! It's not like you."

He felt slightly put out by the accusation, "I can be serious!"

"Yeah but who wants to be that right now? Come on, let's play a game."

He raised an eyebrow, "how many games can we play on a bus?"

She grinned, "ok I'm a person under fifty."

"Ah ha what?!"

"Come on- guess!"

"You wanna play fifty questions?"

"You got a better idea?" Her eyes met his suggestively. He swallowed hard, oh god. He could sense her leaning in- he wanted to so much but-

"Meredith," he said softly.

She kept her eyes closed, leaning in so close, "yeah?"

"We could play I spy?"

She pulled back, "oh." She shifted on her seat and pulled away, "yeah that sounds umm, fun or whatever."

There was a long silence. Meredith felt like an idiot, a fool. He'd openly rejected her and she'd had no right to even make a move in the first place. What was she thinking?! She was with someone- he had some unfinished history with Addison and Ava. They were a mess. She pulled her knees up to her chest and clung to them tightly.

"Meredith."

"Mmmhmm?"

"Could you look at me for a second?"

She took a deep breath and then turned to look at him slowly, "hey."

He reached for her hand, "we're gonna be ok."

"You don't know that."

"Sure I do. Besides I'd say it even if we weren't."

She chuckled, "well that's encouraging."

Hesitantly he reached over and pushed her hair back, "I don't wanna lie to you Mer."

She shrugged, "then don't."

"Yeah but I can't-"

The bus pulled to a stop suddenly and the driver spoke into the announcer, "end of the line."

Meredith jumped up quickly and turned to grab Alex's hand, "come on- let's go get something to eat; I'm starving!"

"Meredith-" She danced off the bus calling out a thank you to the driver. She jumped down the steps and turned to look back at Alex expectantly.

"Come on Karev!"

He sighed, grinning at the same time and grabbed his hoodie before following her off the bus. She changed moods so quickly it was hard to keep up, but if he could he'd sure as hell try.

He jogged to catch up with her."Alright Grey," he said swinging an arm over her shoulder, "what's the plan now?"

Meredith spotted a bar at the side of the road and pointed at it, "that's our plan."

He chuckled, "we came all this way to drink?"

"Hey give me a break- I don't have the entire thing figured out yet," she shoved at his chest and he rolled his eyes.

"Ok ok- let's go drink and then maybe we'll get some inspiration." He stamped down on the sensible part of his brain that was saying drinking was not the wisest thing to do together and dived across the road with her.

They walked into the bar and Meredith spotted a bathroom, "oh thank god- hey get me umm-"

"Tequila?"

She beamed, "you know me so well!"

He watched her bound towards the bathroom- she seemed so light all of a sudden. He shook his head, smiling, and then turned to the bar. The bottles above his head were grimy and dusty; but he hardly minded- he'd been in worse bars and with much worse company.

"Hey what's up-" he leant on the counter and inclined his head to the bar guy. He came over rubbing a glass with a dirty towel and nodded. "Can I get a bottle of tequila, two shot glasses and a beer please?"

The bar guy nodded silently and Alex pulled out his wallet- how much did he have? Two shot glasses were placed in front of him and half a bottle of cheap tequila. "Thanks," he dropped a twenty on the counter, "we'll be back."

He moved everything over to a table in the corner and sussed out the surroundings. Meredith reappeared and he raised a hand. She spotted him- it wasn't difficult in a half empty bar- and danced over.

"I haven't seen you smile this much in a long time Grey," he said chuckling and handing her a full shot.

"I have hardly anything to be smiling about but still," she shrugged, "we have today right?"

"We do," he agreed, silently adding and you have me!

He clinked his glass against hers and then necked it quickly. The tequila burnt against his throat and he scrunched his eyes tightly together and gasped. Through watered eyes he saw that beside him Meredith was sitting comfortably and had hardly been affected by the sharp taste.

"How do you do that?" He asked incredulously, dropping an arm over the back of the chair and rubbing his eyes with the other hand.

She turned and shrugged, smiling, "practice." She felt more relaxed than she had in weeks. In the bathroom she had checked her cell and after the third message from Christina asking where the hell she was, she'd dropped it down the toilet. She knew her best friend was concerned about her but she didn't want to answer to anybody right now. There were no messages from Derek and she wasn't sure if she cared or if she was even surprised.

She looked over at Alex now and felt the strange twist in her stomach she felt every time she met his eyes. She didn't know what it was exactly, it was just, intriguing. That was the word; intriguing. It was something about the way he looked at her, the way he treated her with such respect but with teasing at the same time- he never acted like he was above her or a saint. She'd felt so stupid on the bus after thinking he'd been implying what she'd thought he'd been thinking.. She shook her head; it was stupid to dwell on it. But oh god he was so hard to resist. He never acted like he was a victim and she appreciated that. She liked fighters- she wished she were more like them.

"What are you thinking?" He asked her now, his dark eyes probing her thoughtfully.

"Oh nothing," she said quickly, pouring another shot.

He raised his eyebrows, "Meredith-"

"Alex please don't start- you don't want to know what's going on in my head; it's stupid."

He caught her hand suddenly before she had a chance to turn away and pulled her close, "I doubt anything you think is stupid Meredith. Besides, I wouldn't have asked if I didn't want to know."

"You think you'll solve my problems if you know what's in my head?"

"You think picking a fight will mean I stop pushing?" He raised his eyebrows at her and she looked away quickly.

"I'm an avoider," she said with a slight smile, "you know that."

He rolled his eyes and poured them both another shot, "I do know," he glanced at her and held her gaze. "I know you."

* * *

Izzie stared up at the elevator numbers and wished she was someplace else. It was hard enough to keep a level head and maintain a smile all day when there were endless cases battering her positive attitude but now- now it was even harder. She checked her pocket again, three pencils, a sharpener, a pen, she had everything she needed. She was absentmindedly squeezing water all over the floor from the water bottle in her other hand. The doors opened revealing Doctor Burke who gave her a strained smile and joined her as they moved on up to the next floor.

"Doctor Stevens do you realise you're creating a mini flood in this elevator?" He asked softly. She looked down horrified.

"Oh shoot I hadn't even noticed. I was thinking about something else."

"I'm sure you're nervous about the test but you should be fine- I believe you're a more than capable student."

She looked up at him in surprise, "thank you Doctor Burke."

He glanced at her and smiled, "you're welcome."

The doors opened and revealed a seriously pissed off looking Addison. She stepped inside, "Stevens have you seen Karev this morning?"

"Oh umm, yeah first thing but not since actually." As she thought about it she realised she hadn't seen Alex or Meredith since first thing and felt a swoop of guilt. She'd been so distracted by her own problems... Speaking of her problems George and Callie stepped onto the lift as Doctor Burke got off- nodding at Izzie as he did so. She inclined her head and smiled.

"Hey Iz- how you feeling?" George was looking at her intently- trying to figure out why she'd been so weird all morning. Callie rolled her eyes as she watched her husband paying more attention to the blonde, supposed best friend, than her.

"I'm fine," Izzie replied shortly, "I'm just nervous about the test."

George nodded- his face a picture of disbelief, "oh ok."

Christina joined them on the final floor up as Addison got off and they stood in a strange silence. Christina looked like she should have been pacing instead of standing still.

"I doubt it but have any of you seen Meredith?"

Izzie and George both shook their heads, "she's been MIA with Alex since we got in," Izzie said. "Doctor Montgomery's been looking for Alex."

Christina didn't like to think what that meant her friend had been up to all morning but she certainly hoped it wasn't what she thought it would be. "Well whatever she's been up to all morning she should be coming here for the test. She was ready," she added firmly.

* * *

"Ok ok, try another one!" Meredith leant back on her chair and slipped, "ohh woops!"

Alex caught her arm, "ohhhh no! Are- are you ok?"

She laughed and clutched her head, "oh peachey!"

They were both very drunk. Alex attempted to pour two more shots but the table got most of the helping.

"Ohhh noooo."

"Don't waste it!"

"Quickly!" He tried to scoop some of the liquid up but missed and it seeped over the edge of the table. "Darn."

"Darn?!" She giggled, "since when do you use such fancy words?"

"That wasn't fancy," he said laughing, "that was just a word."

She emptied the bottle into the shot glasses and they toasted 'to world peace or whatever.'

By eleven thirty they were ready to move on. "Where d'you wanna, wanna go?" She attempted not to slur.

"Sleep," he muttered, "I think I need to sleep. My head is ringing- are you ringing?"

"I think it's your cell," she said laughing.

"Oh uh," he searched his pockets, "I don't know where it is!"

"Here!" She pulled it out of his pocket and he almost jumped out of his skin as she touched him.

"Oh umm thanks-" he nodded, almost knocked out of his drunken stupor by her hands. He focused on his cell, "uhh hello?"

He moved out of the bar, "Izzie? Iz I can't hear you! No we're fine- I mean I'm fine." He pulled a face and turned to where Meredith was stuffing her fist in her mouth to keep quiet and snorted with laughter. "Yeah I guess you can speak to her seeing as I totatlly toolly- totally told you she was here too right. Ok." He held out the phone, "'sfor you Mer."

She waved her arms, noooo! She mouthed at him. Sniggering he held the phone right in front of her.

"Meredith!" He said loudly, "Meredith it's for you!"

Scowling she snatched the cell, "hi Iz. Yeah, yeah I'mok. Mmm. Yeah. Areyou are you alright?"

She squinted at Alex who was trying to stand up straight and stay still and chuckled to herself. "Oh yeahh I'm still here! Ok. But you're alright? No I'll do the test tomorrow. Oh no is he mad? Oh. Oh well. Ok I'll call you tomorrow! Byeeee! Byeee! Bye bye."

She almost dropped the phone and Alex caught it in her hands, "woah- careful there!"

She straightened up and he let go of her hands. They were looking at each other again- that strange, tension filled look. The one that so clearly said-

Alex swallowed, "we should go to bed."

Her eyes widened in surprise, "we should?"

He pulled away, "in separate beds I mean. Umm we should get to a motel before we collapse you know- in the street-"

"Or whatever," she finished for him.

He grinned and nodded, "or whatever." He could feel himself leaning in again.

She bit her lip and then moved backwards, "let's go then."

They crossed the road back past the bus station and tapped on the glass at the nearest motel. "Hey- hellooo?"

A bored looking guy came to the glass, "what?"

"Can we get a room- I mean two rooms please?"

"Dude we've got a massive parade tomorrow- I doubt we've got one room, let alone two."

Alex felt concern immediately; he couldn't be in the same room as her- he just couldn't!

"You can't just squeeze us in?" He motioned with his fingers that they were tiny people and bashed his hand on the glass, "oh sorry!" The guy rolled his eyes and then glanced at the keys hanging up.

"We've got one room- eleven. Take it or leave it."

Alex raised his eyebrows and then pulled out his wallet, "thas great man- thanks." He dropped most of the money in his wallet onto the counter and took the key. "Cheers!"

Meredith smiled up at the guy vacantly, "thank yoouuu!" Alex took her hand and pulled her away from the glass.

"Come on drunk lady!"

She followed him as they crossed the car park and over to their room. Meredith felt strangely elated being here. It was like they were Bonnie and Clyde or James Dean and Natalie Wood. They had literally, no where else to go and nothing else to worry about but being right here. He switched on the light as he opened the door and they gazed round.

"Ohh pretty!" She bounded towards the bed and jumped on it. "Oh uhh," she bounced right back off it and landed on the floor.

Alex dived forward, "Mer are you ok?"

She beamed up at him, "you have such nice eyes Alex."

He straightened up and let her climb back on the bed, "you're fine," he muttered. He pulled at the sofa, it came out half way and then jarred. "Ohh crap." He kicked at it and it dropped back into place.

Meredith climbed over to examine the mini bar, "ohh goody alcohol!"

He laughed, "you don't need anymore."

"But I'm sobering up," she said crossly.

He sat down heavily beside her and pulled out a toblerone bar, "I can't believe they have nice stuff like this in a dump like _this_."

Meredith pulled out a can of coke and snapped it open, "well I'm not complaining."

Without warning the light went out and they both looked up in surprise. "Ohh noooo!" Meredith tried to stand and bashed her elbow on the cabinet nearest to them, "ouch!"

He stood himself- much more carefully, "you ok?"

"Mmm," she clutched her arm and reached out, "where are you?"

He caught her hand in the semi darkness, "here."

Slowly she stepped towards him, he could hear her breathing get closer, "Meredith-"

"Alex!"

"What?"

"Shut up," she muttered, before wrapping her arms around his neck and kissing him passionately. He couldn't resist- besides what happened in Vegas stayed in Vegas right?


	7. Chapter 7

**A/N: SO many good moments on Greys atm! Alex and Meredith scenes!!! If i were a cheery person i would cheer! If this chapter is any good i'd appreciate some reviews please- otherwise i'll continue on because i love the idea of Mer/Der.**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Grey's or anyone or thing in it!**

Meredith stirred her coffee and blew over it slowly, man it felt hot. Christina sat down heavily beside her, "ok you officially have a minute and a half to fill me in on all the details of your dirty dirty trip with evil spawn and then I have an Angioplasty with Burke before we go and pick up bridesmaids dresses so," she leant back in her chair and gestured at her best friend, "go."

Meredith shrugged, "there's nothing to tell- we didn't go anywhere or do anything. We went home."

"Liar liar scrubs on fire," Christina took a forkful of salad and then turned her gaze back to Meredith. "Spill it now or I'll just ask broody boy over there and I'm sure I'll get the smutty version."

Meredith glanced over to where Alex was scowling into his lunch and ignoring a nurse who was hovering nearby, attempting to get him to sign off on a chart.

She sighed, "alright! We went to Vegas, we got drunk, we came home, end of."

Christina rolled her eyes, "yeah I got that bit from Izzie yesterday when she came in with some rambling story about you in the street somewhere with Alex cackling and falling over."

"I was not cackling!"

Shrugging Christina leant forward and began collecting her files together, "either way you still have a whole two days to fill me in on and for that matter, fill Derek in on."

Meredith caught her wrist suddenly, "did anybody say anything to him?"

Christina's eyes widened, "you haven't spoken to him yet?"

There was a pause and Meredith avoided her eyes, "I've only been here since six."

"It's one thirty! You've managed to have several conversations with Alex since you got back."

"I can't avoid him- we're both interns."

"Until tomorrow you are anyway. What did the chief say about the test?"

"That I can take it tomorrow."

Christina stood up and pointed at her, "that's good, but whatever you do you are not to miss my wedding! I will need you there Mer. How else will I deal with my mother?"

Meredith chuckled, "like that's your biggest concern about tomorrow."

"Well that and having to wear that necklace Mrs Burke so gracefully bestowed on me. Look just tell me one thing- should I be worried about Alex standing up in the ceremony and announcing his undying love for you?"

"I doubt it," Meredith muttered darkly, glancing over at him once more.

Christina rolled her eyes, "god did you two not bond at all in the Vegas?"

"I don't think bond is exactly the right word, or whatever."

"Ah crap I can't believe I can't stay and hear the whole days of our lives story- tell me later?"

Meredith raised a hand and nodded, "sure- I'm not going anywhere." She peeked once more over her shoulder to catch a glimpse of Alex and then as he caught her eye she looked quickly back at her study books and sighed. Why was she such a whimp?!

* * *

_**The quiet before the storm (the day before).**_

Meredith slowly opened her eyes and was surprised to see that the sky was a light purple, not yet morning but not night any more. It felt like she'd been asleep for a decade. She twisted slightly and realised a strong arm was holding her close and she smiled faintly. She felt so safe, so warm, and protected and then her stomach lurched, it was _Alex_. Oh god what was she going to do- did she get out of bed, did she stay here for him to wake up, did she-

"Freeze Grey," a hoarse voice from behind her spoke out and made her jump.

"Huh- oh, errr me, freeze?"

He rested his forehead on her shoulder and muttered, "as in don't move- don't go anywhere, don't start freaking out."

"What- what do you mean?" She spoke casually, trying to slowly ease herself away from him. His arm tightened and she sighed.

"Stop it!"

"What?! I'm not doing anything!"

"I can feel you freaking out."

"I'm really not. I just- I need to shower and you know, dress and then we should get home and we should really work out what we're gonna do about the test I mean, if we still get to take the test-"

"Meredith, shut up."

"Excuse me!?"

She turned to look at him and saw that he was smirking, his eyes still closed, she pushed his chest, "you don't tell me to shut up!"

"It's the only way to stop you rambling Meredith- and as charming as that is- it's way too early for you to be getting worried about things and talking about them." He pulled her closer, "just shush for a while and stay right here."

She sighed, "I can't stay still I need-" she stood up and Alex groaned, rolling over into her space, "I need to shower."

"Meredith-"

"I'm sorry Alex I just," she shrugged and tried to smile, "I definitely think my hair needs a wash."

He groaned and pulled the pillow over his face, "fine! Go- just go."

She paused, "I'm not freaking out Alex I'm just-"

"Whatever Mer- we'll talk about it later," he growled before rolling over as far away from her as possible and pulling the covers high. She rolled her eyes, well this was mature.

She padded into the bathroom and switched on the shower. It trickled for a while and then limped into action as she stepped into the bath and stood under the lukewarm water. She rubbed her face and tried to catch her breath. What did she do now? The end of the night was flooding back to her in the streaming water, Alex and Tequila. And too much of both. If only she could figure out what she really wanted.

"Meredith? Meredith?" A voice was drawing her to consciousness and she opened her eyes.

"Uh yeah?"

Alex was shouting through the door, "I'm umm, I'm sorry I was an ass, do you want coffee?"

She could feel a headache beginning and rubbed her forehead, "yeah- thanks that would be great."

He rolled over, "I don't think they do room service here but I bet there's a cafe nearby." He examined his cell phone as he spoke, "hey I think Izzie rang yesterday."

She froze in the shower and reached for the off switch, "she did?"

"Yeah, she didn't leave a message though- do you remember speaking to her?"

Meredith reached for a towel and tried to push through the drunken haze to a clear cut memory, "maybe? Did you tell her we were together?"

Alex shrugged and began pulling on a tee shirt, "I don't really remember Mer- should I not have done?"

"You know Iz can't keep a secret!" She opened the door, wrapped in a towel and staring at him incredulously, "Alex!"

He swallowed hard as he looked at her half naked and forgot what he'd even been thinking about previously.

She moved forward and tapped his cheek, "Alex!"

He blinked suddenly, "oh umm I think there might have been a call but I- what?"

She rolled her eyes and reached for her own previously discarded tee shirt and pulled it on over the towel, "we should get going, you know- back to the hospital."

She moved to find her jeans but Alex caught her wrist, "wait a minute Meredith."

She closed her eyes to avoid looking up at him, "Alex-"

"We came all this way to go back again?" He searched her face and finally she opened her eyes to meet his, "what did you want to gain from running away?"

"I wasn't running away I just needed some time... away."

"Away from _what_ Meredith?"

"Ahh," she sighed and pushed her hair back, "I don't know Alex, nothing, everything!"

"From me?"

"No!"

"Then come on- Meredith just talk to me!"

"I- I can't."

* * *

_**Present Day.**_

Bailey glanced over at her two troublesome interns and shook her head, "in my day," she muttered.

Callie appeared and dropped a stack of papers on the table Bailey was sitting at, "do I have doormat written across my face Miranda?"

Bailey shot her a look, "you don't have pen on your face no- whether you give off a vibe that says walk all over me is another matter."

Callie looked at her in surprise, "so you think I do?"

"Torres I have a stack of paper work to write up before I scrub in this afternoon, two interns who haven't taken their test that means they get to move on and out of my face and instead they have to sit around until I work out what to do with them and the chief is riding me about who I think should be the next chief- you really wanna do this now?"

"I'm sorry but-" Callie pouted for a second, "I'm really desperate here Miranda."

"Uhh," rolling her eyes Miranda closed the file she was working on and folded her hands, "go."

"My husband refuses to open up to me and I'm at a loss as to how to deal with it anymore. Honestly I don't know why I didn't just stick to yesterdays eyeliner and sleeping with Sloan- it was far simpler."

Miranda raised her eyebrows, "excuse me?"

Callie pulled a face, "sorry- over share?"

"Maybe- go on, you have a minute and a half left before I officially have my fill of people talk."

"If there was something going on I'd know right?"

"Something meaning what?"

Callie sighed, "I just, feel disconnected and I don't know if it's me or if it's him or if it's both of us..."

Miranda began to fold up her papers, glancing over at Meredith and thinking she needed to go and yell at her for talking when she wasn't supposed to be. She paused and met Callie's eyes, "look, you're a good surgeon and you've got good instincts Torres and if you think something is up," she shrugged, "then you _know_ something is." She gave her a serious look and then touched Callie's hand briefly, "face your fears like you do in the OR- we all have to sometimes."

Callie nodded glumly, "thanks Miranda- and I'm sorry about making you listen to something other than surgery talk."

Miranda waved a hand as she walked away, "no problem. Grey!"

Meredith looked up warily, "Doctor Bailey?"

"What did I tell you about talking to people that weren't me or the chief?"

"Sorry," Meredith muttered, "I didn't tell her to come over."

"Hey- no answering me back!" She paused and glanced over at her brooding intern and back at the nervous wreck that was Meredith Grey and sighing, she sat down. "You would tell me if there was a problem Grey- I mean, a serious problem not any of your little intern dramas but something worth worrying about right?"

Meredith's grey eyes looked at her guiltily, "there's no problem Doctor Bailey."

Across the cafeteria Alex suddenly pushed his chair back and shoved at the vending machine.

Bailey twisted and widened her eyes at him, "err- excuse me Karev but did I give you permission to move? You got your lunch you don't need anything else- keep your eyes on your books."

Alex scowled but didn't argue and instead returned to his chair- messing with his pen. Bailey rolled her eyes, "you two are driving me crazy."

"Uh- us two? We uh- we're not a two," Meredith said quickly.

"Ahh Doctor Bailey, hello- would I be able to borrow Doctor Grey for a moment." Meredith's eyes widened like a deer's in headlights and Bailey glanced up at Derek. She was about to speak when suddenly Alex shouted from behind them.

"Doctor Bailey can I get a bathroom pass please?" He was staring at Derek like he was about to punch him and Bailey waved a hand.

"Two minutes Karev," she turned back to face Derek and shook her head, "you can't borrow my intern today Doctor Shepherd, she has a test to take."

Meredith attempted a disappointed face and then looked quickly back down at her book. Derek sighed softly and dropped a kiss on the top of Meredith's head, "good luck."

There was a silence at the table as he walked away and Bailey watched Meredith with narrowed eyes, "Doctor Mcdreamy not been looking after you during your food poisoning?"

"No- I didn't want him to see me looking all gross," she said quickly.

Bailey raised her eyebrows, "he's a doctor Meredith."

"Umm- am I ok to take a bathroom break?"

"You can wait till Karev gets back." Bailey leant back on her chair, she was done helping out her whining interns for the day, people were far more complicated than surgery.

* * *

_**Searching for answers in the middle of nowhere (the day before).**_

Meredith leant her head back against the wall of the motel and drank in the warm sun.

"Coffee ok?" Alex sat down heavily beside her and passed her a blueberry muffin, "they only had one left- I had to fight some old chick for it."

She smiled at him, "this is totally why I keep you around!"

He grinned, "yeah well I'm not always this giving, don't get used to it."

"Way to ruin the moment or whatever that was," she muttered darkly, scowling into her drink.

He suddenly leant forward and kissed her cheek, "sorry- I'll try to be nice."

"Well that would be appreciated." She felt ever so slightly awkward and shifted away from him slightly.

He felt the movement and glanced at her, "you ok?"

"Yeah," she touched her hair briefly and then looked at him, feeling strangely guilty. "Look, we- I mean you- we have to go back to the hospital today so no- no personal stuff or whatever ok?"

Alex's eyes narrowed and then he shrugged, "ok, fine."

She nodded slowly, watching his reaction, trying to gauge his thoughts, "ok, fine."

They sat in silence and eventually Alex stood up again, "look I can't do this Meredith."

She shielded her eyes to look up at him and frowned, "do what? Drink coffe?"

"I can't pretend that everything is ok and I sure as hell can't go back to the hospital with us all weird and disjointed like this."

"We're not weird Alex- we're just sitting here!"

"You are so in denial I swear to god it would give Christina a run for her money in the best friend department."

Meredith slowly placed her coffee on the ground and pulled her knees up to her chest, "I'm not in denial," she said stubbornly.

"Jesus you can't even look me in the eye and say that."

She stood up suddenly, "what do you want from me Alex?! You want me to say nice things and smile and act like I'm ok when I'm not?!"

"No! I want you to actually admit that you're not ok."

"Fine I'm not ok!"

"Great- now what can I do to help?"

She moved forward suddenly and wrapped her arms around his neck, kissing him fiercely and for a second he responded and then reluctantly pulled away. "That's not the right answer Mer," he muttered before turning to go back inside the motel room, "come on- there's a bus in an hour."

She followed him inside, "what? Alex you said you wanted to help!"

"Not like that Meredith- god! Is that what I am to you? Just an easy escape? A sucker you can just grab to get on buses with you and get drunk with and help you forget your crappy life?"

She stared at him in surprise, "that's not what this is."

"Then what is it?"

She stared at a spot on the carpet and then looked up at him, "I don't know."

He sighed, "fine, let me know when you figure it out, I'll be at the bus stop."

* * *

_**Present Day.**_

"You ready Grey?"

Meredith stirred from her thought and looked up at Bailey in surprise, "doctor Bailey, are we going now?"

"Yes you are; you got your sharp pencils and your little erasers and lucky charms ready? You fools think trinkets are gonna help you take this test?"

Meredith raised her eyebrows, "I don't have any lucky charms or whatever."

"Good, there may be some hope for you yet Grey." Alex appeared beside them and Bailey raised her own eyebrows, "as for you Karev- you need a shave."

Alex touched his chin and then scowled, "yeah I didn't really get a chance while I was _ill_."

Meredith stared at the ground and bit her lip hard, as if Bailey really bought the whole ill story. They'd both used it accidently- why hadn't they planned it better? But then- she wasn't planning anything these days.

"Come on then, let's get this done with- you two better not let me down in there."

Meekly Meredith and Alex followed Bailey into one of the conference rooms and sat at two tables at opposite ends of the room. A doctor neither of them recognised was sitting at a desk at the front, "hello, please take your places and remember there will be no talking from this moment on for the next three hours."

Alex shot Meredith a look and rolled his eyes, "works for us," he muttered.

"Hey now," Bailey said crossly, "hush and get on with this Karev."

They both sat down and Meredith stared down at the sheet of paper with her name printed on it, did she write that? She looked down at her hand, was she shaking? She glanced from under her eyelashes to where Alex was scrawling his own name and resisted the temptation to whisper something stupid to him; just to make him laugh. He was still not speaking to her. She sighed.

"You may begin."

She turned over the paper and began to write, this sucked. This day sucked.

* * *

_**The time in between (the day before).**_

Meredith stared out into the darkness of the night scenery and breathed onto the glass. Alex was sitting beside her brooding silently and she didn't know how to break the mood. She made a move to speak and then bit her lip. Then tried again- and failed.

"Just say what you want to say Meredith," Alex said gruffly.

She turned to look at him in surprise, "I-," she stared at her hands, "ok. I'm sorry."

He reached over and touched her hands, "it's ok- me too."

They sat, holding hands for a few minutes and then finally Alex let go. She regretted not saying something more the minute he dropped her hands and felt the frustration boil over in her, dammit why couldn't she say something?! Suck it up, have some courage, come on- what would Christina say? Well she'd definitely kick my butt for missing the test but after that- she shook her head, concentrate. "Alex-"

His brown eyes searched hers, "yeah?"

"I- I lo-"oh the words, she just- she couldn't- "I lost my phone," she finished lamely.

He sighed and turned to face the chair in front, "I lost my sanity somewhere back there too- maybe they're together."

She smiled faintly, "you're still funny even outside of Vegas then."

"I'm always funny Mer."

"Funny haha not so much, funny weird, yeah."

He shot her a look, "you're still just not funny. Ever."

She knew they were on thin ice and she grasped at a straw, "so you think we'll be ok to take the test?"

Alex suddenly got up and grabbed his jumper, "I don't want to talk about the hospital Meredith, or medicine or make lame ass jokes to avoid actually being honest with each other. I want to get somewhere that isn't Vegas or denialville or a dark room that smells like laundry; I want you to talk to me. I want you to look me in the eye and tell me how you feel. I want _you_. So until you tell me what _you_ want- I'm gonna sit far, far away from you."

"Alex-"

But his back was firmly set as he stalked towards the back of the bus.

_**Present Day.**_

Meredith finished the test and stared at the clock, ten minutes to prepare what the hell she was gonna say to Alex. She had to fix this, she was gonna ruin the one great thing she had in her life if she wasn't careful. A tiny part of her brain whispered back to her, maybe that's for the best. Did she really want to drag Alex down too?

"You may now leave," a voice spoke the words far too soon and she groaned inwardly, not yet!

Alex shoved his test onto the desk and disappeared out of the room, "Alex," Meredith called out after him, throwing her own paper down and running after him.

He was by the elevator before she caught up with him. "Alex!"

He turned round and stared at her silently and she rolled her eyes, "you aren't gonna make this easy for me are you?"

He shrugged and raised his eyebrows.

"Ok fine! Yes- this is what I want. But I mean I should warn you- I'm pretty screwed up. And- and my crappy life might depress you from time to time and you know I can't handle too much at once right now and I've done some stupid things but-" she shrugged, "I wanna be in this if you do. Still. Maybe I've freaked you out too much. I mean you're not saying anything so maybe I'm too late." She waited, searching his face, "am I too late?"

The elevator doors opened and Alex stepped inside. She felt her heart sink. Suddenly he looked up and reached out a hand, "you coming?"

Slowly she smiled and then took it, "ok."

* * *

Izzie clapped her hands together outside in the ambulance bay, "a trauma and bridesmaids dresses all in one day, perfect."

Christina sighed and clutched her head, "dial it down cheery cheerisome."

"God you are such a freaking robot Christina. You are getting married tomorrow and yet- look at your face." Izzie patted Christina's cheek, "can't you at least smile?"

Christina bared her teeth and then swatted Izzie's hand away, "get off me Tigger. What is with you today Iz? You're hurting my eyes."

"Sorry," Izzie pulled a face, "but I like being happy."

Christina rolled her eyes, "so do I- but in a normal people way."

"Burke is so lucky to be marrying you."

"Shut up."

"I'm pregnant," Izzie suddenly blurted out.

Christina turned to stare at her incredulously, "you're- you are?"

Izzie shrugged and pulled a face, "ironic right? The day before your wedding and I totally steal your thunder."


	8. Chapter 8

**A/N: I can't talk about the finale without crying, so I won't! Reviews are friendly :)**

**Disclaimer: If I owned Grey's some things would be different! For a start Kevin Mckidd would be in EVERY scene, randomly just standing there if necessary!**

Meredith flew into the bridal shop ten minutes late and rushed into the changing rooms. "Christina?"

"I'm in here! Where have you been?!"

"I'm sorry," Meredith began, "I was-" when suddenly Christina pushed back a curtain holding the final bridesmaid dress and Meredith stared at her in horror.

"It's... it's pink."

"Yup," Christina dropped it on the floor and stepped over it, "and you're gonna look like a giant marshmallow out there tomorrow unless we tie-dye them or something."

Meredith grimaced, "well, we'll just distract everybody from your own white puffball."

Christina shot her a look and then raised her eyebrows, "you're cheery- why are you cheery?"

"I'm not unusually cheery, I'm just... normal."

"Your normal face is like this," Christina pouted and frowned exaggeratedly, "right now you're like this," she bared all her teeth and widened her eyes, "you see the difference?"

Meredith narrowed her eyes at her, "I am not that bad."

Christina smirked, "you're not even looking at me like you're cross now and," she held up the dress, you're not half as panicky as I am about _your_ dress." She gave Meredith a thoughtful look, "what's going on?"

Meredith rolled her eyes, "fine! Alex and I decided we're gonna umm, try..."

"Try for presidency, try for a baby, try what?"

"Try to be a couple you idiot!"

Christina's eyes widened, "oh, wow ok." She sat down heavily on the nearest stool and then looked up at her friend, "is- does Derek know?"

Scowling Meredith sat down on the floor beside her and pulled at one of the laces of her converse, "no. I have no idea how to have that conversation. I mean how do I even start that one?"

"Umm, maybe, Derek, just because your hair is perfect doesn't mean you are?" Christina grinned, "oh oh I know, Derek, our love is like a conditioner you never want to use again- it once made you beautiful, now it makes your hair stick together."

"Do you have to make jokes about his hair now?!"

"Ok ok, how about, Derek you're bad in bed, I can't stay with you any longer?"

"That's mean! I don't want to be mean. I- I've just been such a mess recently and he- he hasn't been there. I mean he's tried but I haven't felt it... And Alex has been so supportive and- he's _good_ for me." She looked up at her best friend and bit her lip, "am I doing the right thing?"

Christina stood up, "uh huh- I can't tell you what to do here Mer."

"Well what would you do?"

"I- I would date Burke."

Meredith shot her a look, "thanks. Seriously?"

"Seriously, I would date Burke."

"You're a pain in the ass- I don't want to walk up the aisle for you tomorrow!"

"Ha- you don't have a choice, you're my person."

"I hate you."

"That's ok, now come on, can you try this on for me?"

Meredith picked at the pink petticoat and chuckled, "your wedding. I still can't believe you're getting married tomorrow."

"Yeah and I can't believe you and evil spawn are gonna try and make a go of a real relationship."

Meredith pulled some of the pink petticoat over her hair like a veil and smirked, "well I learnt from the best."

Christina opened her mouth to add something when her mother burst into the changing rooms, "Christina! Why is your bridesmaid dress on the floor?!" She bent down to pick it up, "ahh why did you wait till today to check these over?! _Look_ at this train, it is the wrong length!"

"Mother- notice the colour! That would be our first problem."

"What's wrong with pink?!"

"I would never do that to someone- let alone the people I have persuaded to be bridesmaids for me. They are not wearing these! I asked for black dresses."

"Christina! Weddings are happy days, black is for bad days!"

"Mother-"

"Ok this dress officially makes me look like a meringue," Callie appeared from behind them and both Christina and Meredith's jaws dropped as they turned to look at her.

"See!" Christina dived forward and gestured at Callie, "she looks like Barbie!"

"Oh- oh dear," Meredith said weakly attempting not to laugh.

"You look wonderful Callie!" Mrs Yang dived forward and began tugging at the bodice happily.

"Oh- oh, you don't really know me well enough to do that-" Callie tried to hold Mrs Yang's hands back, "you can't touch me there! Get your hands-"

"Mother!" Christina pulled her mother away from Callie, "you can't touch strangers like that!"

"She's not a stranger Christina! She's one of your bridesmaids!"

Christina rolled her eyes and then turned to Meredith who was laughing silently, "here smirky," she threw a pile of pink at her friend, "try this on."

"Uh huh- I don't do pink."

A saleswoman appeared carrying a pile of midnight blue satin and Christina launched at her, "are those taken?"

"I umm- no I don't think so."

"Great, we'll take three."

"Miss Yang- we can't possibly re-size three dresses in less than a day."

"Hey! If you were in a car crash and your arm was hanging on by like, a thread, I could fix it. So you can do this- _this_ is simple." Christina gestured to Callie's dress suddenly, "my bridesmaids are women; not six year olds and they can_not_ walk down the aisle wearing marshmallows!"

The woman looked like she might cry for a second and Christina snapped her fingers, "hey hey- can you do this or am I gonna have to take my business elsewhere?"

"Christina!" Mrs Yang looked at her horrified, "you don't speak to people like that!" She ushered forward, "these are blue- I thought we agreed on pink."

"No, _I_ said I wanted black, _you_ decided to go with pink." She gave the assistant a desperate look, "please, work with me here," she gestured at Callie, "we can't have them walking down the aisle looking like easter bunnies!"

Callie scowled, "thanks!"

"No offence," Christina said quickly. "Now come on! Never say die right?"

The assistant pulled a face, "are all your bridesmaids here? We could maybe re-size now..."

Christina clutched her arm, "oh my god thank you!"

Izzie appeared from the dressing room looking pale, "hey Christina I think I might need to lie down- oh-" she took in everyone standing round and suddenly smiled brightly, "hi, um, everyone."

Callie raised her eyebrows, "what's up with you?"

"I just feel a little nauseous is all," she said shrugging and smiling gaily.

The assistant was handing them each a dress and paused in front of Izzie, "are you going to be sick on the dress?"

"What?! No, of course not!" Izzie snatched the dress and shot her a dirty look, "thanks, I'll be fine."

Meredith sniggered and Christina elbowed her, "go try on Mer."

"Uh- ok," she took the dress reluctantly, she couldn't remember the last time she'd worn something so girly and floaty.

"So here's your dress Miss Yang," the assistant beamed as she pulled out the finished dress, "would you care to try it on?"

"Oh god, there's so much tulle and lace," Christina moaned.

* * *

An hour and a half later and Meredith felt like she'd been pinched and pulled until her rib bones had dissolved. She glanced in her bag and realised she still didn't have a cell and sighed. She could quite easily keep avoiding Derek but she wanted to talk to Alex, she was nervous about this new choice in her life and she needed him to reassure her.

There was a ping at the front desk and she looked through the opening in the changing rooms entrance and her eyes widened as she saw Derek standing at the desk. She backed hurriedly into the nearest changing room and heard an umph behind her as she stepped on a foot. She whirled round, "oh Iz sorry-" she stopped and peered closer at her friend, "Iz?"

Izzie was standing half in and half out of the new bridesmaids dress, shaking and looking near to tears. She didn't even look like she'd felt Meredith career into her. "Izzie, "Meredith said again, "are you ok?" She reached out and touched the pale arm and Izzie's eyes snapped towards her.

"Meredith! Hey! What are you doing in here? Did you need something?"

Meredith frowned, "you're a weird colour- what's up with you?"

"Nothing!" Izzie beamed suddenly, "you look good in blue Mer- you should wear it more often."

"Thanks," Meredith said slowly, "seriously Izzie, you ok?"

"I'm fine Meredith, now go on- I need to take this off and get back to the hospital," and with that she pushed Meredith firmly out of the changing room and right into Derek.

"Meredith!"

"Derek!"

He kissed her cheek, "you always do look lovely in blue."

She rubbed her arm awkwardly, "thank you. Umm- so, what's up?"

"I had to try on my tux down the street, Burke mentioned you were all in here so I thought I'd come say hello. Maybe get a chance to talk to my girlfriend for more than ten seconds."

"Meredith!" She span round thanking all the stars above her as Christina appeared looking terrified, "they're trying to get me to wear a veil!"

"Ok," Meredith held up her hands, "deep breaths Christina, remember- you're your own person."

"I don't know how much longer I can do this Mer- I'm running out of fight!"

Meredith pulled an apologetic face, "I'm sorry Derek- can we do this later?"

He nodded sadly, "sure. I'll be at the hospital till eleven then I'll be at the trailer."

"I know where to find you," she said quickly reaching up to kiss his cheek before hurrying towards Christina.

Derek stood motionless for a second and then said suddenly, "Meredith wait."

She turned round, feeling all of a sudden like she was trapped she smiled quickly, "what's up?"

He strode towards her, "something's wrong, something's been wrong for weeks and I didn't want to ask before because I was afraid but now, now you're running away from me before I'm within ten metres of you," he caught her arms, "tell me what's wrong."

She flinched and pulled away, "nothing's wrong. I'm fine."

"Meredith you're lying to me," his sad blue eyes searched hers and she had to look away, "tell me you're not lying to me."

She swallowed, "I can't do this now Derek- Christina needs me."

"It's always something- something other than us, why can't you be happy with me?"

"Because I'm not," she suddenly snapped at him.

He visibly pulled back from her in surprise and then frowned, "you're not?"

She stood, frozen still, was she doing it? Setting herself free from the misery, the mind games, the constant pressure to be perfect, was she really going to do it here? "I- I really have to go, can we talk later?"

He raised his hands, "it doesn't look like I have much of a choice in the matter," he said angrily before stalking out of the boutique.

Meredith watched him go with a million thoughts running through her mind. A tiny part of her was relieved, another part of her was terrified, the biggest part of her felt numb. The ache that constantly followed her around seemed to have lifted and now she felt nothing...

"Meredith!" She twisted to see her best friend looking close to hysterical, "get me out of this dress!"

"Ok," she dived forward, "it's ok, hey hold on there's a strap here."

"I can't wear it, I can't breathe," Christina was gasping, pulling at the back of the dress, "I can't- I can't, get it off!"

"Ok, hold on, it's ok," she stripped the main bodice off and dropped it to the floor, Christina's shoulders rose and fell heavily as she breathed in, still panicking.

"I can't get married," she said turning to Meredith incredulously, "what made me think I could!? I'm not cut out for marriage! I'm a surgeon, I'm an incredibly talented surgeon! I can't be wasted being a wife!"

"Hey Christina!" Meredith snapped her fingers in front of the wild brown eyes, "look at me! You can do this. This is just the dress making you feel like this; it's ok! Burke will never pressure you to do things you can't do."

Izzie was about to come into the main changing area to point out that blue was way more Callie and Meredith's colour than her own when she saw Meredith trying to talk Christina down and stopped where she was. Watching them together, Meredith supporting Christina, she felt a pang of longing for her own best friend. She missed him, she needed him back in her life. Especially now. What the hell was she going to do?

* * *

Home looked completely different post kitchen fire. Meredith made her way over several pots of paint and lifted up one of the various dust sheets to reach into the liquor cabinet. Ahhh her old friends were all still here. She poured a half glass and set it down on a coaster in front of her. That was not how she had expected the evening to play out. After coaxing Christina back to a sane place she had taken her round the corner to the nearest bar where they'd sat in silence for a long time. Finally Christina had smiled slightly and nodded, "I'm ok."

"I know," Meredith said softly, "I know you are."

"Thanks." Christina began to stand, "you need to talk to Derek."

Meredith sighed, "I will, just- not before the wedding ok? It's your day."

Christina rolled her eyes, "if one more person calls it my day or my special day or anything else resembling something out of the ordinary 'just another Thursday' box I'll cut them open with a scalpel- and then watch them bleed out."

Meredith grinned, pulling on her sweater, "nice."

"Oh," Christina stopped at the entrance and briefly touched Meredith's arm, "and I think you need to talk to Izzie."

Meredith hadn't had the time to ask her what she'd meant before they stepped outside into the rain and Christina had disappeared back down to the bridal store- presumably to fight with her mother over veil versus no veil.

She sat down heavily on the sofa and took a sip of her drink. The alcohol hardly even had a sting as it slid down her throat. She gazed out of the window at the rain, trying to decide what on earth she was going to do with her life when someone cleared a throat at the foot of the stairs.

She turned and smiled the first real smile she'd given in the longest time. She stood up slowly, "Alex," she said in a pseudo calm voice.

"Meredith," he said, equally nonchalant. Suddenly he darted forward and caught her up in arms.

She laughed aloud and wrapped her arms around his neck, letting him spin her round. Finally he lowered her and she rested her hands on his chest, "hi," she said softly. He bent forward and kissed her slowly, like he'd been waiting a lifetime to do it but he didn't want to waste the moment. She leant into him, an arm staying round his neck and the other touching his cheek, like she needed proof it was him. This was it, this was real, finally.

Eventually he pulled away and took her hand, tugging her over to the sofa, "how was your day?" He asked as he sat down, resting her legs on top his as she curled up next to him.

"Just another day," she said shrugging, "bridesmaids dresses, panicky brides, crazy mothers."

He chuckled, "how does your dress look?"

"Oh," she grinned, "the first one was pink."

"The first one?"

"Yeah Christina made the shop get us all new ones."

"No way!?" He laughed loudly, "so now what colour are you?"

"Blue- much better," she said firmly.

"Nah- I think you'd look good in pink."

"Don't even say that!" She shoved him in the chest, "that's just cruel."

"Hey," he poked her in the ribs, "I can say what I want to you woman, and I happen to think you'd look smokin' in pink!"

"Alex stop!" Ignoring her shout he continued to tickle her as she screamed with laughter, kicking her legs up in the air. The tickling moved to him kissing her neck and she closed her eyes, sinking into the sofa and running her hands up his back. Jerking her back to reality there was a knock at the front door and she leapt up, knocking Alex over and he rolled onto the floor with a groan.

"Ouch! Mother-"

"Oh my god it's Derek," she said breathlessly as she moved towards the door, she adjusted her sweater and the smiled at him through the glass.

"Great," Alex growled as he rolled back onto the sofa and reached for Meredith's glass of tequila- he finished it easily and poured two more in quick succession.

"Derek!" Meredith opened the door and smiled brightly, "you're here!"

"I couldn't leave things how they were," he said hurriedly, stepping through the door without invitation. He stopped short as he took in the living room, Alex drinking calmly but with only a wife beater on and a discarded tee shirt over the back of the sofa and he turned back to gaze at Meredith, breathless and with guilt written all over her face.

"Wow," Derek breathed, "how did I not see this coming?" He chuckled and ran a hand across his chin, "do I get an explanation?"

Meredith opened her mouth and then closed it. They stood opposite one another in the hall, Meredith missing a sock and Derek running his hands through his hair. Alex watched them silently in the living room, pouring himself another drink. This was going to be a hell of a night.


	9. Chapter 9

**A/N: I'm really glad some of you guys are reading this and I'm really sorry I haven't updated for a long long time. I apologise. If you do like; I do enjoy reading a few friendly reviews :D**

**Disclaimer: If I owned GA I'd have fired Shonda before she had a chance to write Season four of Greys... or fire George.**

Alex had no idea what the proper etiquette for this situation was. Did he leave? Did he stay? Did he fight? What did Meredith want him to do? Slowly he stood up, sensing if anything, he wanted to be on hand to defend Meredith at any cost. He cleared his throat and Derek suddenly pointed at him warningly, "don't say anything Karev, don't even say a word."

"Derek-" Meredith began but he held up his hand and she stopped.

"Can we do this in private?"

"I can't-" she faltered, "I don't think we should do that."

There was another silence as Derek stared at her incredulously and Meredith stared at her feet. Alex wondered how long he was supposed to stand there; he was a little bit cold standing minus a sweater and in amongst all the dust sheets and Derek's stare was at ice temperature.

"How could you do this to me?" Derek said finally, "after everything we've been through?" He took a step towards suddenly and clutched her arms, "Meredith are you even listening to me?"

"Derek-"

"Why, Meredith, why?"

"Derek you're hurting me stop-"

"Hey let go of her man," Alex moved forwards and pulled Derek's hands away. Derek snapped his arm up and into Alex's face. There was a second of silence before Alex straightened up and punched Derek squarely across the jaw. He hadn't really meant to, he knew he shouldn't have, that technically, he was the bad guy here but screw it- he really didn't like this guy. Derek doubled over for a second and then suddenly lunged forward and dived into Alex's legs. They both collapsed on the floor and during the scuffle Alex managed to wrestle his way on top of Derek and struck him hard across the face. Derek was not a particularly strong man but anger had impassioned him and he caught Alex under the chin, dazing him slightly and managing to stand whilst Alex reeled from the latest blow. He staggered up and moved forward breathless, about to strike him again when Meredith caught his arm.

"Alex! Enough!"

Derek swung his fist from the other side of the pair and knocked Alex sideways. Meredith fell into the cabinet and for a moment was stunned by the push and she clutched her wrist. Alex and Derek wrestled around for a moment before Derek slammed Alex against the wall, "son of a bit-" he growled. Before he could finish his sentence Alex swung him round and knocked him to the ground.

"You're blaming the wrong person," he retorted, "you wanna take a look in the mirror before you start talking to me."

"Go to hell," Derek spat before staggering back towards him, "who do you-"

"Derek!" Meredith stepped in between them and turned to face Alex who was clutching his face glowering at Derek furiously, "Alex! Hey, just leave it please!"

"He started it," he muttered.

"You didn't have to hit him back!" She pushed him up the stairs, "just stay up here please?" Her eyes pleaded with him and he shook his head dubiously.

"Meredith I don't want to leave you alone with him-"

"I'm ok Alex, I promise," she squeezed his hand quickly.

His face was grim but finally he nodded wordlessly and she gave him a brief smile before turning and walking back down the stairs to where Derek was pacing furiously.

"How long Meredith? How long have you and Alex been screwing around behind my back?"

"It's not like that Derek- it's- it's more complicated than that," she said lamely.

"_Un_-complicate it for me Meredith."

"I- I don't-" she took a breath; it was time, "Derek, I'm- I'm in love with him."

"You're what?"

"I- I'm in love with him."

"Karev? You're in love with Karev?!"

"Yeah..."

He stared at her for a minute and then without a word he stalked past her and out the door.

"Derek!"

He slammed the door before she could pull him back and she was left standing staring at her own reflection.

Alex had been sitting on the top stair and watching her silently, still breathless from the fight.

Finally she turned round and gazed up at him. "I'm sorry," she said hoarsely, it felt like her throat was constricted and she couldn't breathe properly.

"You don't need to apologise," he replied softly.

She smiled faintly and then climbed up the stairs to sit beside him, resting her head on his shoulder. He wrapped an arm round her waist and pulled her closer and for a moment they sat in silence. She lifted her head finally to look at him and his dark eyes searched hers, "you ok?" He didn't know why he was whispering but she seemed so fragile, like she might blow away if he spoke any louder.

Meredith stared back at him and then she smiled suddenly, "yeah. Yeah I'm ok," she leant forward and kissed him.

He kissed her back and caught her chin gently, "I'm sorry."

"For what?"

"For this," he sighed, "I shouldn't have hit him."

She touched the bruise that was slowly growing round his eye, "do you want ice?" She made to stand up.

"No," he caught her hand to stop her from getting up, "I'm fine. Just stay here with me."

They sat together in silence for a long time until she realised there was a beeper going off somewhere. "Hey is that mine or yours?"

He glanced around, "ah crap I think it's mine," he clambered up and disappeared into his room. "Yeah," he sighed, scratching the back of his head, "it's mine. It's Ava."

She stamped down on the flash of jealousy at the mention of Ava's name and nodded, "ok. Will you be back late?"

"Maybe," he glanced at his watch and then looked up at her, "I can stay.- if you want me to?"

"No," she smiled at him quickly, "I'm ok." He stared at her doubtfully and she reached up to kiss him, "really I'm fine, go."

"Ok," he kissed the top of her head, "don't wait up."

"Hey Alex-"

He turned round and kissed her again, "I'll try and be as quick as I can."

"Thank you," she said quietly. He winked at her before jogging down the stairs, leaving her sitting alone and nursing a bruised wrist.

* * *

At twenty five to one she was still up, sipping from a glass of milk when Izzie came through the door.

"Hey Iz."

The blonde pulled a face at the mess of paints and dust sheets as she looked around, "aren't they done yet?" She sighed, "I could have redecorated the whole place in the time it's taking them to do one room."

"Be my guest," Meredith gestured towards a paint can, "you'd make a wonderful interior designer."

Izzie gave a half smile and then shuffled forward to sit next to Meredith on the sofa. "How was Christina when you left her?"

"She'll be ok," Meredith said firmly, "she's Christina." She frowned slightly, ten seconds on the sofa and Izzie had yet to pour herself a drink, "you ok Iz?"

"Sure," the voice responding sounded exhausted and Meredith didn't buy it. Christina obviously knew something was up and she was surprised she hadn't noticed anything sooner. All of a sudden George was never round the house, Izzie's normal bright and happy veneer had disappeared and she was instead limp and morose.

"Izzie? What's wrong?"

Izzie twisted, resting her head on the sofa arm, her feet burying under the sofa cushions and she crossed her arms self consciously. "I'm fine."

Meredith raised her eyebrows and then lifted her glass, "Iz, you're talking to the dark queen of denial- come on you're never normally one to keep a secret. Spill."

Izzie fixed her brown eyes on the table leg and then finally in a dull voice she said quietly, "I'm pregnant. And it's George's."

Meredith's eyes widened- ok she had _not_ expected that. Finally she cleared her throat and spoke, "does- does he know?"

"No," Izzie scoffed, "he's busy trying to save his disaster of a marriage." She turned and looked at Meredith desperately, "what am I going to do Mer? I'm alone! Alone again," she added.

Meredith reached forward and took one of her hands, "you're not alone Iz, you have us- me, Christina, Alex, you can do this. Whatever you need to do."

Izzie stared at her dubiously, "I don't know-"

"I promise Iz, you're gonna be ok. We are all going to be ok."

"Who are you and what have you done with Meredith Grey?!"

"Hey shut up! I'm trying to be supportive!"

Izzie sighed, "sorry, I guess I'm just trying to get my head round all of this. I swear I am the most fertile woman ever."

Meredith smiled sadly and squeezed Izzie's hand, "it's gonna be ok Iz."

"I hope so..." Izzie smiled at her quickly, "I'm gonna go to bed. We have to be up so early to get ready. I swear Christina better be on time!"

There was a flash of the old Izzie in her voice and Meredith chuckled, "I'm sure she wouldn't dare defy Mrs Burke."

* * *

Meredith slipped the bridesmaid's dress over her head and shivered slightly at the touch of the cool satin on her tired skin. It was far too early to be up.

"Meredith?" Alex whistled as he appeared at her door, wrapping his tie and gazing at her admiringly. "You look hot."

She turned and smiled at him, "you don't look so bad yourself."

He moved towards her and she straightened his tie, his eyes never left her face, "you get much sleep?"

"A little, how's Ava?"

He shrugged, "pretty much ready to go home."

"That's great," she tried to keep her voice level, reading his face, "isn't it?"

"Yeah of course," his brown eyes were puzzled as they met hers, "why wouldn't it be?"

She pulled a face quickly, "oh, no it's great, really great."

Alex felt his mouth twitch, "are you jealous of Ava?"

"Excuse me?" She turned away to find a comb for her hair, "jealous?!"

He moved towards her, "you're jealous!" He caught her hips and turned her back to face him and she scowled, refusing to look up into his eyes, "Meredith admit it!"

"I am not!"

Laughing he followed her as she tidied up around the room, generally trying to avoid him and searching for her purse at the same time, "Meredith-"

"Meredith!" Izzie hollered up the stairs, "we ready to go?"

"Crap," she blurted out, "Alex can you see a dark blue satin-"

"You mean this?" He wafted her purse in front of her eyes smugly and she snatched it from him, narrowing her eyes.

"Yeah I do, thank you."

"You're welcome," he replied loftily.

She rolled her eyes and grabbed his hand, "come on. Christina's gonna need me."

They moved down the stairs, their hands entwined and Izzie smiled faintly up at them.

"Iz, are you ok? You look like crap," Alex frowned in concern and moved forward to feel her forehead.

Izzie pulled away, brushing him off, "I'm fine," she shot Meredith a warning look and then yanked open the front door sharply, "let's go!"

Alex turned to raise an eyebrow at Meredith, "what's up with her?"

"She just... really wants to make sure Christina gets married," Meredith said quickly, "we all do! Come on Karev move your butt."

* * *

"Meredith!" Christina's eyes widened in relief as her best friend slipped into the dressing room adjoining the church and smiled at her widely.

"Christina! Excellent! Ready to go?"

Christina pulled a face, "why are you bright and cheery?"

"It's your wedding day..."

"No no, I need expecting the worst Meredith. I need dark and twisty prepared Meredith!"

"What- why?"

"I just do! If I'm going to feel positive then I need to know someone behind me is being realistic!"

"You know as twisted as that is; I kind of get it," Meredith chuckled and tightened the back of Christina's corset for her.

"Thanks. Ok," Christina took a breath and smoothed her dress, glancing at herself in the mirror, "god I can't believe I am wearing this much lace and satin."

"You look pretty," Meredith exclaimed, "I like the dress."

Christina raised her eyebrows at her friend, "ok seriously, you are not allowed to be this optimistic on my wedding day."

"_Everybody_ is supposed to be optimistic at a wedding!"

"Ok fine," Christina snapped, "I'm just," she pushed at her hair for a moment and then sighed, "I'm stressing out! Look at me Mer, I look like a trifle!"

"Oh stop it you look fine. Now come on," she bustled round her, "where are your flowers?"

"Hey," Callie peered round the door, "are we ready to go?"

"Yay! Zero hour!" Izzie appeared behind her beaming.

Christina raised her eyebrows at her, "what a nice way to refer to the moment I'm walking down the aisle."

"Don't be snarky Christina; this is a happy moment."

As if agreeing with her the photographer stepped in and the camera flashed in Christina's eyes, "what are you trying to do, blind me?!" She turned and snapped at him, "I can't be seeing spots when I walk up that damn church aisle, I'll have enough to worry about what with the dress I have to wear and the whole marriage thing happening!"

He looked absolutely terrified and muttered an apology before Izzie put an arm through his, "it's ok- you can ignore her. Why don't you take a picture of the bridesmaids whilst Christina composes herself?" She clicked a finger, "Mer? Come here!"

Reluctantly Meredith shifted forward and smiled brightly between Izzie and Callie.

"That was... a nice moment," she said finally and moved away from the camera as quickly as possible.

* * *

Ten minutes later and they were standing outside the church doors and Christina was practising birthing breathing. Meredith peeked through the gap in the door. She could see George and Alex sitting next to each other awkwardly, George was staring straight ahead and Alex was messing with his tie, his black eye making him stand out and his facial expression clearly implying he'd rather be anywhere but sitting next to George. Addison was further back with ark, both of them were ignoring each other and Meredith wondered briefly if they were here together or sitting beside one another unwillingly. At the front Burke and Derek were standing silently and Meredith felt a flash of guilt as she noticed Derek also had a great deal of bruising on his face. He would look awful on the wedding pictures.

"Ok," she turned back to Christina and the girls, "I think everyone's ready. Christina are you ready?"

Christina was pacing, reciting the periodic table elements under her breath and Izzie pulled a face, "Christina?"

"I'm ok," she said shortly, "one second."

The music began and Meredith exhaled, "you ok?" She spoke almost in a whisper- she didn't want to spoke the bride.

Christina looked up at her, "of course I'm ok! This is what I want right?"

They stared at each other for a moment and then Meredith blinked, "of course it's what you want! This is your day Christina, this is your happy ending!" She clutched her friend's arms tightly, "this is what we need."

Christina was silent and then nodded, "you're right. Let's do this."

An usher pushed open the doors and Callie turned to glance at Meredith, "do I go?"

"Yes go, go!"

"Alright alright I'm going," she glowered before turning and smiling widely, stepping into the church.

Izzie hugged Cristina tightly, much to Christina's mixed discomfort and surprise and then took a breath and followed Callie. The woman who had everything she wanted. She avoided looking to the left or right where she knew somewhere, George was sitting and instead focused on Burke, smiling nervously.

"Ok," Meredith watched as Izzie got to the top and then turned back to Christina, "I'm gonna go ok but you're gonna be right behind me, yeah?"

Christina was staring at the floor and Meredith touched her arm," Christina?"

"I'll be right behind you ok? I promise."

"I," Meredith paused and then smiled, "you know-"

"I do know," Christina smiled and nodded, "me too."

Meredith took a step forward, clutching her flowers tightly. Her legs felt heavy as she gazed up at where Derek was standing and she wished it was anyone else. Alex twisted to watch her move up the aisle and winked at her subtly, she felt marginally better. When she reached the top she smiled at Burke and firmly ignored Derek. His eyes were burning a hole in her skull and she breathed in deeply, staring hard at her flowers.

The bridal score began and after a moment, to the entire church's relief, Christina appeared in the door frame and began to walk up towards them. She reached the altar without any hesitation and Burke's shoulders visibly relaxed.

"Dearly beloved," the priest began, "we are gathered here today to witness the joining of Christina Yang and Preston Burke. We are here to support them as they move forward into a life of commitment to one another. The promise of love-" Derek suddenly snorted, a look of scorn on his face, glaring at Meredith and everyone glanced at him in surprise.

The priest cleared his throat and continued as Meredith widened her eyes at Derek warningly, not here!

"And- and a life long commitment will be made here today in the eyes of god. Love is the very essence of our being, it is the most important part of our soul and in love we cannot find lies." Burke shifted awkwardly suddenly and Christina looked up at him startled. "In holy matrimony we become one being, we share one spirit and we become the very best version of ourselves with one another." The priest seemed to be rushing his words, as if her was nervous he was about to be interrupted again. Derek himself was almost chuckling aloud. "And so if anyone here knows of any reason why these two people should not be married here today, to give themselves wholly to one another and to live forever as man and wife, they should speak now." He glanced around, clearly praying no-one would speak and closed his eyes briefly when the moment of silence passed. Izzie and Meredith glanced at each other and Meredith read Izzie's significant look, this was the most tension filled church ever. Meredith adjusted her flowers and Izzie cleared her throat mutely.

"Preston, repeat after me," Preston turned to look at the priest and his eyes flashed with panic, "I Preston-"

"Uh- I Preston."

"Take you Christina."

"Take you- uh Christina?"

Christina blinked and looked up at him, "yes?"

"Wait," the priest looked confused, "that's not the-"

"Christina can I talk to you for a moment?"

"Burke we're kind of in the middle of something here."

Meredith looked into the congregation and met Alex' eyes briefly, uh oh. She took a breath as Christina stared at Burke, "what..."


	10. Chapter 10

**A/N: Yeah I know, I majorly fail at updating and I'm sorry. I really hope it won't happen again!**

**Disclaimer: I can't even begin to describe the things I would do differently so I don't own, not now, not ever.**

"Uh Burke-" Christina began.

Before anyone else could speak beside them Izzie suddenly jerked forward and clapped a hand to her mouth, "oh god," she mumbled before turning away and throwing up underneath the lectern.

There was a moment of stunned silence before Izzie groaned, "oh god I'm sorry," and fled out of the door to the side of the altar.

Meredith moved to follow her but Christina's eyes implored her to stay and she froze where she was.

"Ahem, uh- could we have a moment?" Burke asked suddenly, looking up at the priest.

Looking bewildered, the priest nodded wordlessly. Burke held out a hand to Christina who took it hesitantly and then followed him back down the aisle, glancing back at Meredith; a look of confusion and panic on her face.

The rest of the congregation all watched them go with interest and then turned back to where Meredith and Derek were now standing alone with the priest. It was an awkward picture. The door at the far end slammed shut with an air of finality and made Meredith flinch. She stared determinedly at the floor but was well aware that Derek was now glowering at her again. She felt dizzy with nerves and anticipation and her eyes flicked into the congregation to find Alex's face. His dark eyes were warm and reassuring and he lifted an eyebrow teasingly and she felt better immediately.

"How could you do it Meredith?"

She blinked and looked across at Derek in surprise, "Derek, this is not the-"

"Oh don't even go there with attempts to shut me up," he took a step towards her, "how can you stand up here and pretend to be a maid of _honour_ when you are the lowest of the low."

"Derek-"

He moved closer and the look he had in his eyes made her wince, "is there a time more convenient to your schedule when you'd prefer to discuss you cheating on me?"

"I can't-"

"_Tell_ me Meredith!" He raised his voice and took another step into her personal space, gripping her arm, seemingly unaware or not caring about the avid audience they had. "Well?!"

"Hey man that's enough!" Alex had made his way to the front from the congregation and quickly put a hand on Meredith's arm, pushing her gently behind him. The rest of the guests were forgotten entirely as Derek and Alex stared at each other.

"This _really_ isn't your place Karev."

"Yeah well it's not yours either _Derek_," Alex retorted through gritted teeth.

"You can't avoid this forever," Derek warned, his blue eyes cold and icy.

"You're right, but this is a church and not the right time for you to have your moment _Doctor_ Shepherd." Without taking his eyes off Derek he spoke again, "Mer come on- let's go for a walk," his voice was firm and he took her hand gently before tugging her down the aisle.

The door closed on an awkward silence left lingering behind them and Alex exhaled sharply and then turned to her, "Mer-"

"What are you talking about, waiting?! Waiting for what?!" Meredith's gaze shot from Alex's eyes to over his shoulder where Christina was staring at Burke incredulously. _Shit_ she thought inwardly, wrong exit.

"Christina-" Burke turned round looking like a deer caught in headlights as he noticed Alex and Meredith join them. He cleared his throat looking like he was rooting himself to the spot and attempting not to run away; Meredith knew that look too well from her own face.

"Mer can you take me home?" Christina's voice broke the awkward silence and she looked directly at her best friend, ignoring Burke.

"Of course," Meredith said immediately, "Alex?"

"Yeah?"

"Can you go see if Iz needs a ride too? She uh- she might want to come home with us." She tried to communicate silently to him that she didn't want Izzie left alone with Callie and George asking a million questions about why she was throwing up all over the altar. Alex gazed at her for a moment and then nodded as if he understood and left without another word.

"Christina please-" Burke began but Christina held up a hand.

"You better go tell the guests I'm leaving Burke."

"Wait- I need to explain."

"No you don't. I'm not good enough for you. I was _never_ good enough- you were always trying to make me into something else, someone else, and it won't work. And now you're trying to be all noble and pretend like you're being a good man here? Well too bad... You... _suck_!"

It didn't seem like a particularly good insult but Christina was allowed a childish moment and silently Meredith took her friend's hand and led her out of the church.

* * *

Outside she led a trembling Christina to Alex's car and ten seconds later he appeared with a green looking Izzie. They locked eyes over the top of the car and then Meredith smiled faintly and got in.

"I need to go to the hospital," Christina said sharply.

"Mmmf, me too," Izzie moaned, clutching her stomach.

Christina glanced at her in alarm, "Iz you look like crap."

For a second Izzie stared up at her and then said thickly, "why aren't you on the way to your honeymoon?"

"Long story," Christina dismissed the question briefly before covering Izzie's forehead with her hand, "Izzie you're burning up! How long have you been feeling like this?"

"I don't know," Izzie moaned, "I thought it was just nerves about the wedding and about George and telling him that his ex mistress slash best friend was pregnant with his child!"

Alex almost careered the car into the nearest lamp post in surprise, "what?! You're pregnant?! Why didn't you tell me?!"

"Izzie you haven't told George yet?" Meredith gave her a reprimanding look as the blonde slapped Christina's hand away.

"Christina stop touching me and people can we please focus here?! I'm not the one who just stalked out of her own wedding."

"Hey," Christina pointed at her, "I didn't _stalk_, I was elegant and refined, right Mer?"

"Wait, wait," Alex interrupted, "can we just get back to the part where Izzie just announced she was pregnant please?! Why didn't anyone tell me?"

Meredith reached over and touched his hand briefly, "I'm sorry- Izzie didn't- we-"

"I didn't want anyone to know until I was sure what I wanted," Izzie cut in, "oh god I don't want to lose this baby."

Christina shushed her, "it's ok Iz- you're not going to."

They pulled up outside the hospital and Alex leapt out and opened the passenger door, helping Izzie out, "don't worry, we got you ok? It's just us Iz, we're gonna look after you."

"Oh god I'm sorry," Izzie was rambling and turned to grab Christina's hand, "Christina I'm so sorry did I get your dress?"

Christina scrunched up her nose and looked down at her dress, "what this? Oh I don't care if you did Iz," she said simply, "Burke paid for it."

"Always with the silver lining," Alex remarked.

"Shut up."

Meredith and Christina followed Alex who was half carrying, half attempting to drag Izzie, into the clinic. Bailey turned to look at them all in complete shock, "what on _earth_?" She frowned as she took in Izzie, semi conscious and pale, "Stevens what's wrong with you?"

"She's nauseas, dizzy, pulse is racing," Alex stated, leading Izzie to the nearest bed and laying her down, "she needs fluids."

Bailey took one of Izzie's hands to feel her pulse and then reached down instinctively, "how many weeks are you?"

Izzie started in surprise, her eyes widening in horror and then sat back, closing them weakly, "about six."

Meredith pulled her hair back and stood behind Bailey as she examined Izzie, "Grey go get changed and then bring me a portable ultra sound, _discreetly_," she added. "Yang shouldn't you be on your honeymoon?"

"Burke had a heart attack," Christina replied sharply as she followed Meredith to go and change.

"Mhmm," Bailey raised an eyebrow as she watched them both disappear and then turned to Alex, "you wanna tell me what in the world is goin' on Karev?"

He shook his head, "you don't wanna know."

"Start talking," she snapped.

* * *

Christina sat back heavily against the back bench and closed her eyes, "god I feel like I've lived a thousand years today."

"Tell me about it," Meredith said softly, moving to sit next to her. She waited for a moment and then added, "are you ok?"

Her best friend opened one eye and looked at her. She was silent for a moment and then sighed, "no. Are you?"

Meredith shrugged, "I've had better years."

Christina snorted, "me too."

Alex sailed into the room, tugging at his tie, "Bailey reckons Iz has just picked up an infection- nothing too serious."

"That's good," Meredith said jumping up, she felt like she needed some familiarity, some resemblance of normality and she reached to help him with his tie.

He gave her a soft smile, "you holdin' up ok?" His eyes searched hers as he rubbed her shoulders.

She nodded briefly, "we're ok," she answered his silent question.

"Ok, Yang Bailey thinks you should go home."

"Why don't _you_ go home Karev? I'm _fine_!"

"We need to keep busy," Meredith said firmly, "we're people who need busy ok?"

Alex gave them a dubious look, "you realise half an hour ago you were wearing a whole load of silk and taffeta and now you're in scrubs and-"

"Yes we get it," Christina suddenly snapped, "it's all massively ironic or whatever you were about to say." She stood up and pulled her hair back, "but we're here so _deal_ ok?"

"Wait Christina that's not what I meant-" Alex began to protest, "Mer tell her!"

"It's ok Alex; we know you're verbally inadequate."

"Oh bite me Christina."

"Hey aren't you supposed to be being really nice to me because you think I'm fragile right now?"

He snorted, "you're the least fragile person I know Yang- you're all wire and machinery."

Christina glowered at him as she left the locker room, "just don't give my best friend syphilis ok evil spawn? Otherwise I might just accidently _slip_ and cut off something fragile of yours."

Meredith sighed and turned to raise an eyebrow at Alex, "did you have to pick a fight with her?"

"I didn't have to," he gave her a crooked smile, "but she needed it, trust me."

She rolled her eyes but felt the corners of her mouth twitch, "yeah I suppose maybe it might have helped."

"She needs to be mad," he shrugged and hung up his jacket, "I have no emotions therefore I won't cry like a little bitch if she's mean to me."

"Hey, you have emotions, I've seen them."

"You take that back," he said, pointing at her warningly, but his eyes glittered with humour.

She held up her hands, "fine, when you feel ready to admit you're human or whatever I'll be with Izzie."

He winked and then stepped forward, "hey-"

Meredith turned at the door and smiled faintly, "yeah?"

"I uh- have emotions when it comes to you, you know that right?"

She smiled wider, "yeah I know that- and I have umm, emotions towards you too ok?"

He leant forward to kiss her briefly, "good to know."

"See you outside you dork," she said laughing.

In the corridor Christina was leaning heavily against the wall. Meredith looked at her silently and their eyes met. Christina blinked, her dark eyes filled with emotion. Without a word Meredith moved to stand next to her best friend and tentatively took her hand.

They were still standing there when Alex came out five minutes later in scrubs.


	11. Chapter 11

**A/N:OMG I apologise profusely about the length of time this update has taken. I feel I should do a recap or something for anyone still reading. Basically we're Team Alex and Meredith!**

**Disclaimer: Owen would be fired if I owned. The man broke my heart. I thought he was gonna be so **_**good**_** for Cristina. **

Izzie was moved to a private room and over the next six hours Meredith, Christina and Alex took it in turns to check on her. She was asleep when Meredith slipped into the room shortly after midnight and checked on her chart. "Doin' ok Iz," she murmured softly.

Izzie opened her eyes sleepily and blinked up at her, "the baby?"

"Yeah- you're ok."

"Ok," she drifted off again and Meredith sat down heavily beside her. She ran her hands over the scratchy surface of the chair and took a few deep breaths, listening to Izzie snuffle beside her.

God what were they going to do? She was well aware that her mother had completely failed to balance a home life and a successful career- how were they all going to raise a baby and be surgeons- and do _both_ well?

"Your face'll stick like that if you keep it up."

She glanced towards the door to see Alex leaning against the frame, a soft look in his eyes, "ha ha."

"I mean it Grey- you gotta try not to worry so damn much."

"Alex, twelve hours ago my best friend was supposed to be getting married and now she's not. My ex boyfriend slash our _boss_ wants us dead- and believe me he could find a way to make it look like an accident. And Izzie's pregnant with her married best friend's baby." She sighed and raised an eyebrow at him, "I don't know how else to arrange my face right now ok?"

He nodded before moving into the room and sitting down beside her, "ok."

Quietly he linked his hand with hers, preventing them from pulling apart the rickety hospital chair any further, "any better?"

She smiled, "uh huh."

They sat in silence for a moment and then he shifted and twisted to look at her, "hey I was thinking-"

"Dangerous," he shot her a look and she smirked and lifted an eyebrow, "go on."

"Well- what if Iz did keep the baby and you know, we helped her with it?"

"That was kind of the plan anyway," she said chuckling.

"Yeah I know but I mean, Christina's out of a place now and Izzie'll need all the help she can get... we could all do it, together. Yang could move in to George's old room, we could turn my old room into like a nursery thing..."

She turned to look at him in surprise and he winced, "ok, that could be a bit fast but maybe- it was just a thought."

"It was a good one," she said quietly, trying to stamp down on the irrational fear creeping in. The baby wasn't due for another seven months; that was a _long_ way down the line. She had no idea if she'd have managed to keep her head above water by the end of next week let alone in half a year.

Swallowing quickly she tried to think practically, "what about George?"

"I have to tell him," Izzie croaked from the bed and both Alex and Meredith were off their feet and over to her side in a second.

"Hey Iz," Alex said quietly, touching her forehead, "how you feeling?"

"Pretty crappy," her dark eyes found Meredith's, "where's George?"

"I don't know Izzie; we didn't tell him you were here."

Izzie closed her eyes briefly, licking her lips, "good, ok, good."

"But are you- I mean- do you wanna tell him?"

"I don't know," she twisted her fingers in the sheets, "he's gonna be in tomorrow and wonder what I'm doing here right? What can I say?"

"We could make something up," Alex said shrugging, "food poisoning, stomach flu- not something serious, just kept you in over night for re-hydration."

"Yeah, we could do that Iz, no problem."

The usually cheery blonde smiled at them wearily, "that sounds good. Thank you guys... so much." She was asleep within seconds of thanking them and Alex turned away from the bed, shaking his head.

"I'm gonna kick O'Malley's ass for this."

"Alex," Meredith put a hand on his arm, pulling him to a stop, "you can't do that."

"What? Why not? The punk's got Izzie in trouble and her heart is breaking right now- I'm gonna _kill_ him."

She tugged him outside as his voice rose in volume and pulled the door shut before rounding on him, "you don't think I wouldn't like to do the same thing?"

"Then why can't we?"

"Because it's not just George we have to consider."

He frowned, his dark eyes confused, "Izzie's right there."

"I don't want Callie to get anymore hurt than she needs to Alex."

Alex's dark eyes softened with understanding, "damn Torres," he shook his head, exhaling hard. "God what have they gotten themselves into with O'Malley? And why? Does the guy have like, super powers only chicks can see?"

Meredith chuckled, "I don't think so."

"Well you slept with him didn't you?"

She flinched, "I didn't- it wasn't- I was depressed!" Alex raised an eyebrow at her and her jaw dropped, "I didn't mean- it wasn't the same with you- I mean-"

"Meredith," Alex moved closer towards her, running his finger along her jaw and tilting her chin up, "stop talking."

She exhaled and met his eyes, "sorry."

He leant into her space, smiling crookedly, "I don't care what you did, or _who_ before this, so long as you don't keep banging anyone else now."

Her smiled widened, "is that your way of making sure we're going steady?"

He rolled his eyes, "shut up. Look we've both got shit from before-"

"Understatement," she said, trying not to shiver at how close he was.

"Exactly, so… We'll just, leave it there ok?"

For a moment she gazed up at him and then nodded, swallowing slowly, "ok."

Alex grinned suddenly, "you realise that I am acting like a grown up here? You know, showing growth and stuff."

Meredith laughed, "I noticed," she kinked an eyebrow, "I'm very impressed."

"You should be." They stayed silent for a moment, swaying towards one another gently and then she sighed and leant back against the cool wall, "I should check on Christina."

"She's down in the basement, doing one of your creepy twisted twin things," Alex said, rolling his eyes affectionately, "she gonna be ok?"

"I'll have to go have a look," she said, smiling faintly, "give you an official diagnosis later. You gonna stay with Iz?"

Alex glanced down at his pager and then scrubbed a hand across his face, "yeah, till six. We've got rounds then two weeks off, thank christ."

"I think we should go to Tahiti."

He laughed and pulled her close, wrapping his arms around her waist, "oh yeah? Some sun, sea, lots of liquor... we need anything else?"

"No I don't think so." She breathed in, savouring his warmness, the feeling that surrounded her whenever he was around.

The crazy, fucked up, safeness.

Alex kissed the side of her head and then bent down to kiss her properly, "you looked hot in that bridesmaid get up you know. We could take that with us."

"That doesn't sound very grown up and mature of you," she said drily.

"It comes and goes," he replied with a smirk.

She chuckled, "I'll see you later."

"Not if I see you first."

"Ok optimism is less your thing than behaving like a grown up."

He smirked, "I tried."

"And I appreciate that, the one's that try the hardest are always the best."

He lifted an eyebrow, "you getting your innuendo on or something?"

"I was just trying it out."

"I wouldn't," he scrunched up his nose, "_that's_ more my thing."

"You've had more practice!"

"Get going!" He laughed, kissing her sweetly and then gently pushing her down the hall.

She laughed and began to move before stopping a foot away, "hey-"

He turned to glance over at her, "what you forget your panties?"

"No," she rolled her eyes before coughing uncomfortably, "if we're gonna turn your room into a nursery, where are you gonna sleep?"

"Ahh," he glanced down at the chart in front of him on the wall and then shifted on his feet, "uh I hadn't really given it much thought."

Meredith took a hesitant step forward, shuffling her feet, "maybe you could, I don't know, move your stuff into my room, like not permanently if you didn't want to, but maybe you could do that, or whatever."

Alex shook his head grinning, "we're crap at being grown up Grey."

She laughed nervously, "shut up! I'm serious."

"Hmm," he frowned, trying to look sincere, "then my serious answer would be, I'll move my three tee shirts into your room later."

Meredith raised her eyebrows, "that's it?"

"What do you mean?"

"I'm asking you to move in with me and you act like it's no big deal? Like I've just told you to do laundry or something!"

"Meredith, we already _do_ live together."

"Oh, yeah, right."

"And sleep together."

"But-"

He grinned, "will you relax? I _want_ us to live together- the way you meant, you know share drawers and shit."

"Oh," she blinked rapidly. "I see."

"Christ, Grey I fucking love you," he rolled his eyes, "it's _all_ a big deal and it scares the crap out of me but that doesn't mean I'm not gonna _do_ any of the stuff we wanna do."

Meredith found she didn't have any words for a moment and opened and closed her mouth several times, "right. Ok. That's- ok well, you know, I'll see you at home then?"

"Yeah," he exhaled, smiling, "it seems likely."

She backed towards the elevator, feeling her smile grow as she stepped inside, "oh," she shot her hand out to stop the doors closing and he stopped from moving into Izzie's room.

"Yeah."

"You know I love you too or whatever it was that you know, you said."

He grinned and inclined his head, "oh yeah, I know."

She scoffed and let the doors close with him smiling at her.

She found Cristina humming to herself as she sorted old files into boxes in the inventory room or whatever the proper word was- she actually had no idea what it was called; she was a surgeon, she didn't venture off the surgical floor much ok?

"So, what are we doing down here?"

"These needed filing," Cristina said simply, "I thought I'd do it."

"Because you're helpful and organised like that?"

"No because I need something to do," Cristina snapped. She lifted her dark eyes in apology, "I need to just, get some control back ok? I need the power and Burke took it, he took it without my permission. I thought I was in control the whole time but I wasn't- I never was. I put on stupid dresses and prepared vows and I didn't want to but I did and I shouldn't have and… He just," she sighed briefly, "he took it."

Meredith nodded slowly, "ok." She reached for a file, Daniels, Sam, and handed it over, "we're filing."

They sat silently for a minute, Meredith passing files and Cristina placing them carefully into the box in front of her. They didn't need to discuss a system or decide who did what; they never had to over explain anything to each other, it was simple, easy. It seemed her best relationships were the ones where it wasn't over dramatic and romantic; they were the ones where she could be herself and simply _be_. No intense analysis of why she couldn't do something or why she needed something. She suddenly felt intensely grateful for her friends and cleared her throat; feeling that she wanted to try and help Cristina in the same way her friend had always helped her, just by being there on benches in car parks or locker rooms or in her garden or her kitchen.

"Uh so, we've been thinking."

Cristina frowned, "we? Who's we?"

"Me and Alex," she said awkwardly, "we um- we thought maybe you could crash at our place for a bit."

Her best friend's eyebrows shot towards the ceiling as she turned to look at her, "are you serious?"

"Well you know, you're kind of out of a place right now- I mean, I'm guessing you don't wanna be living with Burke-"

"Good guess."

"Right? And we're gonna need all the help we can get with Izzie and the baby and now George's room is empty and- well, what do you think?"

Cristina was quiet for a moment, "does Alex snore as badly as you?"

"What? No! And I do not snore that badly."

"Er, shared a bed with you on more than one occasion, you kinda do."

She rolled her eyes, "fine, but you kick!"

"That wouldn't really bother anyone if I'm in Bambi's room now would it? But your snoring plus evil spawns- that I wouldn't be able to take."

Meredith felt strangely excited, "what so you might- you might move in?"

Cristina snorted, "I basically lived at yours half the time anyway."

"Seriously?"

"Yeah."

"But- god will people stop acting like my making these massive gestures isn't a big deal?" Meredith stood suddenly, "I'm actually putting myself out there and you're not even blinking about it."

Cristina shrugged, "I always knew you had it in you to be less angsty."

"What? Then why didn't you say anything?"

"Um, I thought you were- I don't know- just biding your time?"

"No!" Meredith scowled and sat down again, reaching for a file, "you know you really suck."

"Whatever you say, _roomie_."


End file.
